bless my soul, herc was on a role

so this summer at my job as a yachting staffer (we dont say camp counselor, its below us) i regularly had disney song jam sesh's with the kids on the boat. so as soon as i got home i bought like thirty disney songs and there is a slight possibility that i am still jamming to them. i just enjoy hearing some soulful sistas singing about a disney friendly version (read: no sex, murder or libations) of a greek myth, alright? good. glad we could talk about that.

now i am twenty one years young. oh shiiiiii

iiiit. its a big deal. im not sure if you are aware of how long i have waited for this day. since i was roughly fifteen years old i have been counting down to it. i knew that my bday was going to be on a saturday and, oh buddy, i was stoked. i had visions of a huge party with all my friends, possibly a keg, tons of presents and a day dedicated to my final gateway to adulthood. alas, like many of my visions of grandeur relating to my life, this situation did not come true. i did go to downtown whitefish for the first time and saw no one that i knew. oh and i was only with tayler. and sober. whenever i met people who fou

nd out it was my 21st they would say "why arent you puking/blacked out?" at this i would awkwardly shuffle my feat, jingle some change in my pocket and say "uuhhh im workin on it." i should have drowned my sorrows in my beer, but unfortunately i cannot afford that type of therapy very often anymore. i am also semi financially independent- thanks mom and dad!!! so anywho, after an hour and half of standing in the corner of the bar with tayler while some dude tried to pick her up we headed for the door. this is when the night nearly completely redeemed itself!!!!

tayler babysits for this dude who is 100% creeper manchild complete with wife and four kids. if tommy boy and and dennis the menace had a love child, that would be chad. taytay always complains that he is creepy and hits on her so i say "dont babysit for him anymore" yet she doesnt listen. so on the way out of the bar she starts hitting him in the arm saying 'byebyebyebye" and then he strikes up a conversation after kissing her on the cheek (!!!). i resume awkward foot shuffle and change jangle. i feel a tap on my shoulder and i turn around. well hello drunk 35 year old man. he says "what the fuck this guy is hitting on your girl".. shes not my girl just a friend. in the following minutes me and this guy get to know each other. his name is marty or monty and... well thats a

ll i really got out of him. however, we did discuss the manchild at length. ohhhh geeze. monty came to the conclusion that the manchild looks like david bowie, but gay. well that or a gay fabio with short hair. he goes up to tayler, taps her on the shoulder and says "why the fuck are you talking to this guy, charlie's got it. hes got it." then extracts himself from the situation and goes on his merry way. i pulled taytay away from the creepmaster and leave the bar laughing so hard that i nearly shed a tear.

the next night, the night of my actual day of birth, i donned an uncle sam style hat which had "21" and "charlie" emblazoned onto it. it was given to me by my parents dear friends who are, in fact, over 60. they attended my party. as did their friends who are also over 60. in fact there were only three people younger than 40 at my party- me, my friend kate and my aunts boyfriend who may or may not be closer to my age than hers. either way, below 40 and thats what counts. after barbecuing, imbibing and chatting for a while, it was time for presents. the only people who brought me presents were not related to me. my parents just couldnt schedule it in to pick one up for me on my birthday. its alright, it caught them off guard. its not like my birthday is the same day every year or anything. whatever. move on to cake. unfortunately, i do not like cake, so i had key lime pie instead. i dont really like that either. oh well. birthday cake shots it is- vodka and franjelico followed with a sugar-coated lemon. deeeee-licious. all present, including 60+ crowd, took part. it was a sight to see. after that kate turned on some techno so we dance partied for a while. well mostly my mom and kates mom. everyone else just kinda sat there. afterwards i ended up at home, soberish considering it was my 21st. i wouldnt have even been par for the course on a regular night. its alright though- i still have my birthday hat and i can go celebrate all over the world. YES!

when i grow up i want to be a superhero

today as i walked through the wilderness of upper-middle suburbia with my dog, a thought struck me. dogs have it made. i watched as marge charged forwards, smelling all sorts of new smells, drinking in the sweet perfume of this mid august day. she jumped over logs, played with sticks, and peed wherever she felt it necessary, all the while looking to me for words of encouragement and approval. she had the doggy smile on throughout our whole hour long stroll through the forest. nothing could bring her down. she ran, she swam, she scared a bald eagle out of a tree. i want to do that, but alas society dictates that i must pee in the toilet, or at the very least be discreet about peeing in public, and i'm fairly certain that if i attempt to scare a bald eagle out of a tree i could be arrested for harassing and endangered species and/or clawed by said species (i considered that possibility in depth during my walk).  my wistful ponderings of life as a canine promptly helped me onto another train of thought: i want to be an animorph. 

animorphs were quite possibly the coolest superheroes ever. they were in their early teens, they fought an alien race called the yeerks,  and they got to go to the zoo all the time to acquire animals. oh yeah, and they could morph into a ferocious beast of a creature whenever they felt like it. i mean being a dog is one thing, but think about morphing into a rhino, an elephant, or a vicious bald eagle. freakin sweet right? im not going to lie, after i finished the first animorphs book that i read (third grade, the first volume of the megamorphs books) i may have tried to acquire my grandparents dog. for those of you who were not animorphs fans, acquiring is when the animorphs touch an animal so that they can later morph into it. i also tried to open diagon alley next to the dumpsters behind my middle school using a pencil as a wand, but thats another story.  i think that i read the first 33 or so animorphs books before i got burned out. they were released once a month and i would beg my mom to buy me one, read it all in one night, and then have to wait another 30 days before i got another. thirty days to a 9 year old is like a year to more grown up people. it was BRUTAL. dont worry though, i got the deets on how the series ended. i spent several hours on wikipedia this spring reading up on all the plot summaries that i missed. 

i dont think i have ever stopped wanting to be an animorph, or a wizard for that matter, which is why i am always wrapped up in a book. i see books not so much as an escape from reality as a way to provide you with a new perspective. i didnt necessarily want to leave my old life behind to become an animorph and run off to fight the yeerks. no. i just wanted to be able to morph into cool stuff and have some new adventures off of these two feet. i wanted to run around in the woods behind my house, sniffing new smells and finding whole new worlds behind every stump. it seems as though my dog is always filled with delight at finding a new beetle or anthill. maybe that is what i want. that sense of wonder at the smallest things. the life of a dog. and, of course, the privilege of peeing anywhere. 

all who wander are not lost

some people do not have to search, for they find their niche early in life and rest there seemingly content and resigned at times. i envy them, but i usually do not understand them, and seldom do they understand me. i am one of the searchers. There are, i believe, millions of us. We are not at all unhappy, but neither are we content. We continue to explore life, hoping to uncover its ultimate secret. We continue to explore ourselves, hoping to understand. We like to walk along the beach, we are drawn by the ocean, taken by its power and unspeakable beauty. we like forests, mountains, deserts, hidden rivers, and lovely cities as well. our sadness is as much a part of our lives as our laughter. To share our sadness with the ones we love is perhaps as great a joy we know, unless it is to share our laughter. We searchers are ambitions for life itself and for anything beautiful and can provide. we do not want to prove ourselves to others or compete for love. This passage is for wonderers, dreamers, and lovers who dare to ask of life everything which is good and beautiful.

-Anonymous

twenty years from now you will be more disappointed in the things you didnt do than the ones that you did do. so throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbour, catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

-Mark Twain

and finally...

I would rather be ashes than dust! I would rather my sparks should burn out in a blaze than it should be stifled by dry rot. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow than asleep and permanent as a planet. the proper function of a man is to live, not to exist. i shall not waste my days trying to prolong them.

I shall use my time.

-Jack London