Again, I apologize for my absence. I constantly flirt with the idea of restarting my blog, but I don’t want to seem like every other cynical twentysomething adolescent who finds himself/herself with an abundance of time and a hankering for some online adoration. Unfortunately, that exactly what I am, so let’s begin.
First an update on my life. I seem to be wandering down the path of A&E’s primetime reality line-up. My love of the drink and subsequent hatred of hangovers has made me long for Candy Finnigan’s sassy hair style, Jeff Van Vonderen’s tropes about my family loving me like crazy, or the interventionist who looks like Huckleberry Hound to pop into my living room and tell me to stop what I am doing. Of course, it’s not that serious; no need to get alarmed- this choo choo is just gonna keep chugging on down the tracks, but if I don’t stop eventually feel free to tell me that I am going to be in a documentary about addiction and then blindside me with an on camera intervention. I promise I’ll make it tearful and dramatic and act like I’m not going so the episode gets really intense before they roll the end credits and my three-months-later update shows me in the best possible light. I also seem to be on my way to becoming a guest on “Hoarders.” I am not nearly as much of a fan of hoarders as I am of Intervention, but hey, if a rerun is on when I get home from class and I want some cheap voyeuristic thrills while judging someone who still has every Sear’s catalogue they have ever received since 1987 then I’ll turn it on. I say I may be a potential subject on this show because in three short months I have deteriorated from being anal about having nothing on my bed or in my bed except for me at night to being perfectly fine with having half my life in and around my bed at all times. I currently have my snuggie, several remotes, a book I was supposed to finish last week (haven’t started), my stunna shades, headphones, an ipod cord, an empty water bottle, a sweatshirt and a package of Trader Joes no-sugar-added dried mangoes (so tasty) in bed with me. I only need several cats, a complete lack of a sex life, another hundred pounds, and type two diabetes and I will be a perfect fit for the show, but if that happens I will definitely need an intervention because I will be drinking to forget the fact that I am a hoarder. Such a vicious cycle. Then I will end up on “Heavy,” but I really don’t think once I get that fat I will ever want to work hard enough to be skinny again, so I will rob a bank to finance my gastric bypass and then end up on “Dog the Bounty Hunter.” Fuck - I’m doomed.
Yowza- that just worked me into a basic cable frenzy. Speaking of basic cable, CNN really chaps my ass. All 24 hour news really. I have been making a half-hearted attempt at following the unrest and revolutions in the Middle East and Northern Africa. It’s not easy. I can hardly follow plot lines on SVU without getting confused, so news of unstable political climates in countries far away and people with consonant-heavy multi-syllabic names really gets my goat. I am trying though. I mainly struggle with the constant stream of information being thrown at me from many major news sources. My main choice for a quick and dirty news update is CNN because it’s not as involved at the New York Times and it vastly outshines those Huffington Post hacks. The problem is that if I miss the initial story, or even an update (which happens nearly hourly), the entire focus of the article becomes foreign and confusing. I need a solid background story that get’s tweaked as appropriate, not every time someone takes a breath. My other main issue is that they take fluff and sell it as news. The top stories on the website tonight were, in order, Libya’s protests, the release of the booking photos of Rep. Gaby Gifford’s shooter, and Justin Bieber’s hair. Seriously? The second and third stories are 100% bullshit. The photos of a gunman provide no actual news; they only satisfy a twisted voyeuristic pleasure deeply seeded in our brains- “What does a monster look like? Does he look like someone I know? Does he look like me?” I refused to read the story on principal. When he is arraigned or prosecuted, then it will be news. Publishing his face is simply muckraking journalism whoring itself out for pay-per-click advertisements. The Bieber hair story belongs on Perez Hilton or People.com- websites dedicated to celebrity fodder. Great, a sixteen year old future VH1 reality show star got a haircut and wants to sell his hair to raise money for charity; Yesterday in New Zealand at least 75 people died while going to get lunch. Which story deserves more attention?
I know that I spew a ton of bullshit on this blog. It’s entertaining to me, and I’m not trying to say that I am holier-than-thou or sway anyone’s opinions. I simply can’t sleep, so I decided to compose this post. I do want to end on a serious note though. New Zealand stole my heart in the fall of 2009 and has held it tightly ever since then. I passionately love that country and it’s people, and the news about the beautiful city of Christchurch stunned me when I read it. I am going to try to contribute in some way to the aid efforts there and send some good vibes down their way. I ask you, oh faithful readers (who I may be able to count on 1 hand), to do something too. Donate a dollar, say a prayer, or think a thought on New Zealand’s behalf. The Kiwi’s will love you for it, and I will too. Sweet as.
