If bein' fresh to death is a crime I think it's time for me to see the jury

so maybe its from a ciara song. what ever. it captures my essence.

this weekend was a semi success. friday night i got some hardcore action. maybe not typical action, but action nonetheless. it was kinda kinky... and violent. you ready? i dont know if you are... ok... here it is.... i sneezed on a girl. hoooolllllaaaaaa!!! i was slightly (read: pretty damn) inebriated and i was talking to some chicks, just spittin some game, you know how i do. i was kinda standing in a doorway, straddling the threshhold if you will, with a living room (and the bitches) on my left and a hallway on my right. we were talking, i have no idea what topics we were covering or if i was even contributing to the conversation. it may have been an incident in which i creepily and drunkenly stood there thinking that i was in the conversation but really i was just kinda breathing heavily and being slightly crosseyed. in the course of our nonversation (what up urban dictionary) i felt the need to sneeze. not a snotty sneeze just one to, ya know, clear out some dust or a rogue boog. so i turn my head away from the conversation so as to not cover my fellow party goers in my nasal emission. at this very moment the planets aligned and this girl jen/jennifer was leaving the bathroom at that very moment. she was just about to pass through the very threshhold that i was blocking. i saw her too late. i could not stop it. i sneezed all up on her. OOOHHH SHIT .no bueno. no bueno indeed. i proceeded to apologize, but i feel like my remorse was lost in the fact that i was laughing so hard i could barely talk because i was laughing so hard. oh well. oops.

i feel like that was anti climactic. sorry.

so flash forward a little bit. after getting my hands on a camera and taking some seXXXy pictures of myself i decided it was time to amble the half mile back to my house. really really drunk. safe? DEFINITELY. to pass the time i texted my whole way home. i think that the exercise helped metabolize the alcohol up in my system aka i got drunker. first text: "mexicans smell weird. im not being mean. its just a fact." (fun fact- according to matt kim white people smell like cheese and cinnamon, we had this conversation in high school.) by the time i reached the apartment and tried to blog "its tiiy hard too foicsc on thr sceen." i might have that wrong, im sure alyssa could confirm. suffice it to say i stumbled into the doors of my apartment, vaguely remember yelling "CHARLIES HOME!!!" which may have been more like "churrlees hurnfm" mumbled but my enthusiastic intentions where there. i managed to grab 2 vitamin waters and then stumble to bed.

saturday- i woke up at 8 to take 4 advil and as much fluid as i could. my head felt like i had been in the ring for 27 rounds with muhammad ali. i had three pink panty droppers. i think. and some beer... and whiskey... and vodka. oh well. whatever. around 12 i called my mom to tell her how miserable i was. "oh char well we're on the way to cancun so have a nice week." what a bitch. short story long- i stayed in bed until 2 feeling sorry for myself. love me some hangover pity parties.

sunday- i was productive. today i was at work and then PR class. we talked about ethics and laws relating to public relations. fuck that. i contributed a little bit but there were a couple self riteous twats who needed a swift kick in the ass. i didnt give it to them though. the plus for the night- no nefrititi. saaaweeet.

now im watching pulp fiction. im not really sure whats going on. im really confused. fuck. oh well. alyssa wants a shout out:
yup. it happened

And I was round when jesus christ Had his moment of doubt and pain

today as i was walking across campus i forgot to include one of the more memorable moments of my spring break. ok well that might not be completely true since it apparently was so memorable that i forgot it, but thats just semantics (am i using that phrase right? i never really know what it means).

so i was skiing on tuesday with some other kiddos and we went back in the trees and people were doing cool tricks and "bonking" a big pile of snow on top of a big ole stump. i am not one of the few who partake in this activity. my trick skills are limited. the last time i attempted a 360 i landed on my head. now you are thinking how does a trick that requires no deviation from a vertical alignment cause head-ground contact? well ya got me, hence, the last time i attempted it. i did do a 180 over break though and almost ate it so i will stick to being a noob and spread eagle my heart out. after watching the cool kids do tricks and film for a little bit i decided that instead of watching i wanted to go skiing, so i took off on my own for the rest of the day.

i made it down the hill no problemo and then got on the chair with some snowboarder dude. NBD. i was jammin to my tunes and i figured he was too. after about a minute he asked "so where are you from?" and i decided that i would try some small talk with him. now, understand this- i HATE small talk. i really dislike pointless social interactions with someone who i will never see again for the rest of my life. stacy tells me that i need to open up to people more and make small talk and stuff, so i decided to take her advice. at first this seemed like a fine idea. this guy on the chair is from arkansas and he and his frat bros drove up for 26 hours non stop to do some skiing in montana. we chatted for almost the whole way up and then when it seemed as though our little exchange had come to an end i went back to my ipod and just kinda sitting, normal chairlift behavior. then it comes..."i have a question that might seem kindof weird to you." OH GOD. this guy wants some money/he wants to know if i am secretly a youtube sensation/he wants to know if he can take me home, skin me, and then wear me as a coat. these thoughts and more go racing through my head. the pendulum swings back the other way- "are you religious at all?" HOLY JESUS!!!!!!!! i hate talking about religion with people i dont really know. i dont particularly like talking about it with people i do know. to quote my mother, organized religion gives me anxiety. as soon as this guy asks this question i feel my sphincter clench and i go into defense mode because i really dont know what else to do. my short terse answers that i am not and have not been since i was little and i am christian(ish) lead him to ask if i have been saved. do i want to be saved? do i know how to be saved? AWW HEEELLL NAW. but i cannot really say that politely to a christian frat boy from arkansas. he proceeds to tell me about opening up and having a conversation with jesus, all the while i feel as though my chest is being crushed and my head is spinning. this fucker has me cornered on a chairlift and he springs this shit on me!!! too high to jump off and i cant act like i'm deaf and dumb a tthis point because of our previous conversation. oh god oh god oh god aaaand finally i get off the chair.

i tell him to have some fun out there and ski off into the great white yonder, ipod still boppin and one way ticket to hell in my coat pocket (dont worry me and sarah got a 2fer1 rate- she posted a video of an autistic girl singing taylor swift on her blog!!!!!)

blame it on the octo mom

yesterday when i was driving to go get my sweat on i was listening to big boys neighborhood on power 106 cuz im so hood and they played a remix of jamie foxx's blame it on the alchol. they blame it on the octo mom. its all that crazy bitch's fault.

in other news, spring break has come and gone. i spent the majority of it in montana skiing and kickin it. ya heeearrrd. good times. i got to see some friends and also marge. shes awesome. she loves me. i'm her favorite. sorry fam. i win.

the biggest development out of the week came after a lively round of speed landmines. we had invented this game the night before. well not invented as much as put our own spin on it. basically landmines, where you spin a quarter drink some beer and then pick up the quarter all before it stops spinning and with one hand, but instead of one quarter we had 2. this allowed 5 people to plow through 40 beers in an hour. 2 puked the first night and 2 puked the second. not so much because they were too drunk but because when you have that much beer in your stomach the foam basically overtakes your entire esophagus and then an explosion occurs. especially after a delicious italian dinner.

so yeah. after a few rounds of this on night 2 we started having some drunken conversations aka the best kind of conversations. you just put it all out there and be all philosophical and shit and its great. so i was bitching and moaning about how i'm unhappy at USC and with public relations and i have sand in my vajay. whatever. bottom line- i was being a pansy ass. blake told me to take a year off, which made complete sense at the time. why shouldnt i take a year off? fuck school fuck grades and fuck the man! im taking a year off! i kindof expected to wake up and be like god i would never do that, however, on my 4 hour drive back to spokane that day i thought about it more and more and i realized that i think taking year off could be the best thing that i havent done yet. so as i live and blog i am also researching ski instructor courses in france, new zealand and canada. i might go volunteer with kids somewhere in central america, learn some spanish. go hike part of the appalachain trail or take a NOLS course, go live in new york and re-energize my lucrative modeling career (just kidding), or go couch surfing in various college towns for a couple months. the possibilities are endless. i've never seen a fjord. i could see a fjord. i mean its not top of my list but how often does a person get to use the word fjord? i just figured i should jump on the opportunity.

so thats my plan as of today. figure my shit out and take off for a year. see the sights. but i still have a ways to go before all of that. things are looking up in my classes though. i have talked in all of them so far since i have returned from spring break. i started off a little rocky in PR last night. i babbled on about something that was not relevant at all, prompting the teacher to restate the question and look at me like i may be on drugs. whatever bill. i may babble but you are boring. i would rather be me. then today in my english class with the professor who thinks i am royally retarded i raised my hand. after telling ole mark what my first name is (its only week 10 so he totally doesnt need to know my name yet) i dazzled him with some comparison between actors and playwrites. he thought... pondered for a second if you will... then said "i like that. i think i'll give you a star." FUCK YEAH I GOT A MOTHERFUCKIN STAR BITCHES!!!! thats right. after that however several people raised their hand and completely negated my point and made me feel kinda dumb but i dont care because i got that star fshooo. and then in french i attempted to explain the difference bet wen depuis and en. i think i did a pretty bang up job. my homegirl atiyeh wasnt impressed i dont think but i'm alright with that.

ever since class i have been i a fantastic mood. we decorated condoms and filled them with water and put them on tristans bed, i watched nick and noras infinite playlist again, i ate a really good apple. life is fantastic. and i attribute alot of that to the apple. a good apple can just brighten my day. i found some extra large fujis at ralphs and they are treatin me right. mm mm good.

i know i talk about travel alot on here so i will limit my discussion of my return trip from spokane to LA to 2 points.

1. my super shuttle driver from the airport to my apt was a small indian man who passed out free chips and told jokes. i actually thought he was really funny and was kinda diggin it but i didnt want to be the wierd kid talking to the driver and laughing at all his jokes, one of which was "i called the psychic hotline the other day and they said so why are you calling? i replied, i dont know you tell me!" classic.
   
2. i found what i want for my birthday (four months and 29 days until i turn 21) while perusing the pages of skymall. skymall has the BEST stuff that i would never EVER even consider purchasing. ok thats a lie. in middle school i really wanted some of the LOTR memerobilia. if you dont know what LOTR means then you are really behind the times and a lame ass. duh. but i digress. my bday present is un-LOTR related... unfortunately. its this gem: the sky rest travel pillow

oh baby baby hook me up. the next time i go on a tropical vacation i want to be passed out on that thing. (fun fact- when i was in middle school i refused to wear collared shirts unless they were hawaiian collared shirts. i'm about 87% sure i had that one)

now that i have divulged alot of information about my future endeavors, my current tasks and my middle school quirks, i feel like i should go, leave you be, and let you continue on your life, but not without one last piece of evidence that i should jumpstart my modeling career:

well i'd fuck me.

californias full of whiskey, women, and gold

ho-lee moe-lee. it has been a while since i have updated you on my life and i am sure all of my faithful followers are waiting with bated breath.

so, major events in my life lately- midterms, midterms midterms... oh yeah and midterms. i swear to god these bastards at SC try to put it all into the week before spring break. i spent from noon sunday till 330 thursday either studying, sleeping, in class, or working except for wednesday night when i was just like F THIS NOISE and went out and got fastey wace. it. was. glorious. i had midterms monday and wednesday so i figured that after that i would be done and be able to basically go into spring break mode. PSYCH- tuesday i received written assignments in both classes due thursday. fuck a duck. there goes my plan of going from my midterm straight to happy hour on wednesday. bummer. so i remembered to do one of these assignments and the next one... well.. not so much until about 115 thursday. it was due at 2. suffice it to say i did not quite make it. whatever. over it.

hmm what else... work is relatively uneventful. i got to play with a dog yesterday which was cool. i was diggin it.

oh man i feel like i had so much to say but now that i am sitting here i just cant remember it. oh well. im back in the airport again off on spring break. instead of beach boozin in mexico i will be up in spokane (FML) but then i get to go to missoula and then whitefish to ski (not so FML, not even a little bit). im pretty happy about that and i guess i get all summer in the caribbean so i cannot complain. so anywho, as i have said before. airports are great people watching. i may have been behind the dumbest woman ever in security. ok. thats an exaggeration. im sure someone is dumber than her in the course of history but she may give them a run for their money. she could not figure out which lines to go in and what to do with all her shit and her hubby was not really into helping her. he was slightly catatonic really. after years boinkin her stupid beat self i'm sure any of us would be the same way. she looked like ape margera with maybe a slight bit of chow chow (the dog) mixed in there. mm mm good. the kicker---BRACES!!!! homina homina homina somebody hold me back. moving on. over her. next encounter- walking by a morbidly obese woman in a wheel chair waiting to go on her flight. i'm pretty sure that she is one of those people who has to buy 2 seats on the plane. i feel bad for her (really i do not being mean/sarcastic). however, in the middle of the airport she is yakkin away on her cell phone and i only managed to catch a snippet of the conversation. what was this brief snippet? this brief glimpse into this womans life? "so then they gave me the colonoscopy..." OH SWEET JESUS i hightailed it out of earshot faster than you can say anal fissure. so i sit down a couple of seats away from the guy who looks like hes in his early 20s or so. talking on his bluetooth. in the airport. holding his phone. i fucking hate that. i can see using the bluetooth in your car so you dont get a ticket but if you just chat on it for chatting's sake you should be slapped in the face and spat on. you look stoopid, yes stoopid, doing it because no one else can see that you have a bluetooth. it just looks like you are talking to yourself (which i sometimes do but i sure as shit dont do it in public). this is especially an issue for women whose hair covers up their ears. also you talk louder on the blue tooth because its like a million miles away from your mouth so how can it possibly pick up all of your well thought out and enunciated words if you are not yelling. its like when people try to talk to someone who doesnt speak english- they talk louder as if the person is deaf instead of just mexican or asian or something. speaking louder doesnt necessarily help the situation either way. back to home skillet in the airport. he was yelling about how "sloshed" he got last night and how he had too much of "grandmas cough medicine" and how they got pretty "tossed" and then he woke up drunk and missed his flight. do you want a damn cookie? great you got drunk and missed your flight, that doesnt make you cool it makes you an idiot. he was also very unhappy that white gummy bears were $10. WTF is a white gummy bear. this guy didnt just tell his story to one person either. in the 15 minutes i sat next to him he told it to three or four different people all while yelling it for the whole terminal to hear. then as he was leaving he tried to make small talk with me about colorado state cuz im wearing a sweatshirt with that on it. it just further confirmed my suspicion that this guy is in fact a tool.

in other news- yesterday at the gym i was gettin my sweat on and what not with my trainer and i was straight up strugglin. my shoulder was poppin and i was dehydrated and the trainer, who should be motivating and upbeat, was in a foul mood and could not have seemed more like he wanted to go jump off a tall building. about 15 minutes into the hour long session the power goes out. FUUUUCCCKK. this means no music, no lights and worst of all, no AC. it was rapidly turning into a steamroom, making pretty much everyone's moods worse while still being creepily quiet. so there we are, me, my trainer, and of course a few minor washed up celebs, including Fabio, just hangin out, hating life. finally the lights came back on and the hour finished up uneventfully. so i decided i was going to hang out and do some cardio after this. i get goin and the guy next to me is one of the skinniest little shits i have ever seen in my life and he resembled the lead singer from the animated group the gorillaz. oh. hot. dayum.

then after observing this creature for a few minutes i look up and the newest E show is premiering- Hot Girls in Scary Places. sounds like a winner. best part? the first episode features three of the USC song girls, one of whom i know sortof from a class last year. this shit was ridiculous. i watched like five minutes then couldnt take any more. i had to get the hell outta dodge.

alright. i think i had like six other things to say but i cannot remember them. i also have to get on my plane. NBD.

the world is spinnin but im not afraid

HOLA

i am a Public Relations major at USC. now public relations attracts a wide variety of people and i think that there are about 40 other PR majors in my year, the majority of which are girls or  homosexuals (not there's anything wrong with that). i have my one PR class on monday nights- the principles of public relations. let me tell you- its a doozy. i have no friends in the class, i do have one acquaintance but we dont talk much. the professor is miserably boring for the most part. he just summarizes what we read in the book. have an original thought dude. oh and he thinks class ends at 930, which it doesnt. it ends at 920 but last night he kept us till 940. it started at 6. if you cant say your piece in 3 hours and 20 minutes then you have an issue. my favorite/least favorite part about the class however is this dude whose name sounds akin to nefertiti the egyptian queen. homeboy is not an egyptian queen. if this gem:
and lil wayne had a love child and he had bulging eyes, dreads, talked like a white boy, and worked for a skateboarding company, it would be nefertiti. he always has the answers and i'm pretty sure he is substantially older than anyone else in the room, save my long winded professor. he is the question kid. i hate the question kid. and then there's this girl who is the question girl. she sounds like she is perpetually wearing a retainer but i do no think that is the case. enunciate bitch. oh and they both do really annoying hand motions. i hate that. bastards.

ok enough spouting hate. time to discuss something fucking awesome- ME. you may remember that a couple weeks ago i did a music video shoot for a kid in the film school. well it is finally done. check out this piece of cinematic art. good times good times.

fun adventures this weekend- well on saturday moring i was the announcer for the first annual USC fight on triathlon. lovely. that means i had to drive to san pedro to help set up until 12:30, finally got to sleep in the backseat of hansel (my sexy car) at 1, and get up at 4 (i hid in hansel so i actually didnt get up until 5 and acted like i didnt know i was supposed to be up earlier). the drive down was a fiasco. i drove 2 freshman girls who were volunteering down as well. they wouldnt really talk and since i gave up awkward as my new years resolution i immediately shifted into camp counselor mode and started trying to have really animated conversations with them. god im cool. moving on, we got lost like 3 times so i think we spent a grand total of like ya know a bajillion hours in my car and used a quarter tank of gas. ddaayyuumm. whatever. nbd. flash forward to race day. i learned that if you give someone a microphone people immediately think that whoever wields the mic has tons of authority. picture this- me, bleary eyed, not sure what my own name is, pre 6:00 a.m., and being asked questions because i have a microphone. oh, and i'm wearing a bad ass gatorade hat with floral print and the gatorade G on the front. i wasnt so much a gatorade plug as a blatant advertisement that i am, in fact, a G. so back to the story, i had no idea what was going on. they handed me a packet of info to use for my announcements but really i could barely read at that hour. i'm just lucky my voice didnt start cracking like a prepubescent little boy. as my sister pointed out last time i saw her- my voice cracks more than my 14 year old brothers. FML. oh well. so yeah, i had authority with the mic, but i also got tons of attention. I LOVE ATTENTION. i mean all eyes on me as i yak away about some random shit, i'll take it. hot damn. maybe i should be an entertainer for a living or at least an announcer because i might be a little bit of a power hungry attention whore. is that bad?

alright that might be it for today. i have procrastinated my homework and reading long enough. and tonight my pops is in town so i get to go to a nice dinner and stay at the ritz in marina del ray if i want to. fuck yeah. i'll take that shit f'shooo. and i dont have class til 2 tomorrow. helloooooo pooltime. i'm so down. i hope you all have a good day and do not have any encounters with bulging eyes. AAAAHHH