oh man oh man. i am watching VH1's daisy of love and let me tell you it is a GEM. definite GEM. i cannot believe this actually gets advertisers to buy airtime. it is disgraceful. the people are the underbelly of america. they are famewhores who try to act like hardcore rappers and of the 20 guys i think maybe five like dudes. sorry daisy. its a risk you take. the rest of them they are absolutely retarded. way retarded. one guy told talked about his PA piercing. PA as in prince albert, not public announcement or physicians assistant. prince. albert. metal through the peen. AAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
anywho. i wrote that bit last night, but i am back to blogging today. im now watching more television. not nearly as trashy though. i had a little lost sesh earlier awesome. way awesome. actually thats a lie. it might not be as awesome as it once was. first season was prime, now, not so much. oh well.
today was my last day of classes. one final paper and two papers stand between me and the real world. ok the fake real world. tomorrow i am turning in my leave of absence paperwork. AAAHHHh. im freakin out yo. im excited and nervous but overall i cant wait for next year. i have all these goals and ideas for stuff to do but i have no idea what exactly i will do. i should probably start figuring that out. hmm...
last weekend i went to colorado to see my homie stacy church and also mi madre and camden were there too. lil cam got into CSU so she went to check out the school. she got a lil rowdy. well done cam. for dinner on saturday night we went to sushi. we ended up sitting at the bar right up where they made the sushi so the guys kept talking to us through the whole meal. it would have been cool but they were douche magooshes. WTF. if you are making food three feet from people be GD personable. so after we sit down my mother orders a large thing of hot sake. this was after several free cocktails at the hilton club level happy hour. we both partook. it was great. so my mom slides a little sip o sake down to me so that she doesnt get super sloshed on this vat of hot rice wine. i was on one end of our group and my mom was on the other with stacy and camden in between so it wasnt easy to be all sneaky about me drinking underage. after a few minutes our lovely waitress walks up and goes "oh... can i see your id?" OH FML AAHHHH what do i do what do i do what do i do. i freaked out. thinking on my feet i said "ohidonthaveitwithmesorry! my birthday is february 22nd 1988 andim21yearsold." hellloooo verbal diarhea. after looking at me like i was a damn fool the waitresss goes "uuhhh will mom vouch for this" big stacy covey nods with a slightly glazed over look in her eye and returns to her sake big gulp. thinking that was it i go back to my life. then some fucker over the sushi bar quits makin my GD spider roll and decides to interfere. "we cant accept that. we need an id" FFFFFFFFFFFF. stacy (church) quickly says "oh you wanna go get it from the car. here take my keys just run out there." not only am i not 21 but i left my fake id in los angeles. i had to act cool (while turning bright red) and say "oh no worries, its fine, here have mine mom." i watched my sake slide away down the bar, taking my dignity with it. oh well. better luck next time.
other fun facts- got the middle seat on the plane between 2 red neck buddies. stupid fuckers. i wanted to elbow them both in their fat stomachs simultaneously. and they were armrest hogs. i was not pleased. also in the airport i saw 45 year old man. wearing blue jean overalls. oh yeah, and he was probably about 275. with manfupa. ladies, please, try not to salivate over that image too much.
in other news, for some reason yesterday i started reminiscing on "the last of the really great whangdoodles." classic. i recommend everyone read it. asap.
to end my musings for today: get low.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Saturday, April 18, 2009
i poke her face
well i should be doing some serious paper writing right now. if you hadnt figured it out, im not. i pretty much finished my PR paper this morning while sitting at coffee bean eating oatmeal and drinking coffee. it was pleasant. a nice day, relatively quiet except for this beat lookin woman yelling at her 2 year old daughter like she was a dog. "COME HERE NOW! STAY! NO SIT DOWN! STAY! YOU ARE GOING TO GET HIT BY A CAR!" i wish i was kidding. so that was a productive endeavor. 3 pages in an hour and a half. i was damn proud of myself. it thats including travel time and the time it took me to get my oatmeal and coffee. the only bad part was that the fuckers upped the parking prices. whereas you used to be able to go in there fo free with validation, today cost me $9.00. i was not happy. then i couldnt figure out how to pay so i held up traffic and buzzed the security gaurd to come help me. turns out i had just dropped my ticket and not realized that it wasnt in the machine. whatever. i just paid them $9 to park. that should come with a blow job or at least some heavy petting. geeze
after a lunch break i went to the library only to see my buddy fiona sitting at a table near my intended destination. after a brief chat about my shirt with a large superman logo on it (that i realized i had been wearing the night before when i saw her a little after our exchange) i settled into my little cube for a long winters nap... or research. however, my research was hindered by the USC Hawaiian Club Luau outside on the quad. WTF. why do you need to have a luau. there were like four people there. bastards. all of them. blasting music. it wasnt even hawaiian music. if it had been izzy singing somewhere over the rainbow i would have been down, but now, it was some alt rock bullshit that permeated the walls of leavey library and disturbed the indians, asians and me dutifully studying on a saturday afternoon. unforgivable.
this weekend is what i like to call a "high stress" weekend. that means that i cope with my stress through food because i used to be fat. old habits die hard. i mean friends are dependable usually when you need them but they just dont have that same ability to comfort like an in'n'out double double with extra crispy fries, or a chipotle burrito bowl with chips, or a bag of chocolate, or even gummy worms. fried food is like an old friend that you dont see very often but every time you do see them you remember just why you love them so much. all your worries and fears disappear. then you get a tad bit gassy from all the grease and remember that fried food is really a stupid bastard and dont hang out for a while. is this making sense? anywho, all i have wanted today is zaxbys. not just one thing. i would get a chicken finger plate, a zaxbys club sandwich, a zaxbys house zalad or maybe black and blue, either way with blue cheese or ranch dressing depending on my mood. all of this of course with extra zaxbys sauce and a fat delicious sweet tea with that good ice from zaxbys thats really easy to eat cuz its soft. oh baby im makin myself drool just thinkin about it.
i should probably get back to my paper pretty soon. last night my roommates girlfriend, who is basically a roommate because she doesnt leave pretty much ever played a remix to lady gaga's poker face called poke her face with kanye, kid cudi and common. its bad ass.
and now, a parting thought
after a lunch break i went to the library only to see my buddy fiona sitting at a table near my intended destination. after a brief chat about my shirt with a large superman logo on it (that i realized i had been wearing the night before when i saw her a little after our exchange) i settled into my little cube for a long winters nap... or research. however, my research was hindered by the USC Hawaiian Club Luau outside on the quad. WTF. why do you need to have a luau. there were like four people there. bastards. all of them. blasting music. it wasnt even hawaiian music. if it had been izzy singing somewhere over the rainbow i would have been down, but now, it was some alt rock bullshit that permeated the walls of leavey library and disturbed the indians, asians and me dutifully studying on a saturday afternoon. unforgivable.
this weekend is what i like to call a "high stress" weekend. that means that i cope with my stress through food because i used to be fat. old habits die hard. i mean friends are dependable usually when you need them but they just dont have that same ability to comfort like an in'n'out double double with extra crispy fries, or a chipotle burrito bowl with chips, or a bag of chocolate, or even gummy worms. fried food is like an old friend that you dont see very often but every time you do see them you remember just why you love them so much. all your worries and fears disappear. then you get a tad bit gassy from all the grease and remember that fried food is really a stupid bastard and dont hang out for a while. is this making sense? anywho, all i have wanted today is zaxbys. not just one thing. i would get a chicken finger plate, a zaxbys club sandwich, a zaxbys house zalad or maybe black and blue, either way with blue cheese or ranch dressing depending on my mood. all of this of course with extra zaxbys sauce and a fat delicious sweet tea with that good ice from zaxbys thats really easy to eat cuz its soft. oh baby im makin myself drool just thinkin about it.
i should probably get back to my paper pretty soon. last night my roommates girlfriend, who is basically a roommate because she doesnt leave pretty much ever played a remix to lady gaga's poker face called poke her face with kanye, kid cudi and common. its bad ass.
and now, a parting thought
Thursday, April 16, 2009
the times, they are a-changin
so i just watched as ashton kutcher became the first twitterer/tweeter/twatter (whatever) with over one million viewers in his race against larry king and CNN. not only did i watch on twitter, but ashton had a live stream set up in his house with his wife and his whole crew there watching the contest happen. what kind of a world do we live in these days that i can watch a celebrity live in their own home as they compete on an essentially pointless form of social media to become more popular? its sort of sick right? some kind of voyeuristic celebrity obsessed culture born in from the clusterfuck of the tabloid media, youtube, perez hilton, and instant gratification. alas, this diatribe against our current state of pop culture affairs is essentially a hypocritical rant of a social media savant living in the capitol of the entertainment world. why hypocritical you wonder? i attempted to be ashtons 1 millionth follower.
in this technological age it seems as though the more we advance the more we digress. house phones are obsolete, no one makes calls on cell phones, emailing is seldom done on computers, and who watches tv on a television? its like saying you boil water in the fridge or make toast in the sink. it makes no sense yet im sure if some scientific mumbo jumbo hibbity dibbity figured out a way to make a perfectly golden brown piece of sourdough or a crunchy slice of rye using your faucet and a sponge people would be on that like white on rice. i know i would lest i get left behind in the rapidly changing digital landscape. (ok so toast in a sink isnt digital but you get the point).
the whole reason that i have been twittering my little heart out is that i had my friend safia change my facebook password until i get all my papers turned in next week or else i would be wasting hours looking at pictures of the latest party that i wasnt at, or even that i was at because there is no greater thrill than reliving your alcohol blurred memories than on a public forum. instead of wasting time on facebook i have been using email, checking fmylife like three times a day, twitter at least twice an hour, and checking blogs of all friends and acquaintances. i even broke down one time and hacked into someones account whose password i know, just to see that friendly navy blue banner and the tabs welcoming me to my home page, profile, friends, or inbox. i had been off facebook for like three days. i may need a twelve step program before the week is out.
blogging is another thing too. it is a forum for attention whores everywhere to get things off their chest and validate themselves in some way. someone out there is bound to agree with them, they just dont know it yet. i know thats how i feel. i love me some attention in any form i can get it. when i see that someone has left a comment i get a little thrill in the pit of my stomach. who is it? what did they say? did they think i was funny? i hope they thought i was funny. thats pretty much exactly how i thinnk and im not apologizing for it, just putting it out into the world, hoping someone else thinks that way too.
i guess i feel like we are losing something when we use social media so much. i know i miss face to face interactions, a phone call, a good conversation instead of a conversation limited to a wall post, a 160 character text or tweet, a comment on a blog. does this mean i am going to stop using all the new fangled ways of communicating? not at all, i just might make more of an effort to be more personal. at the risk of sounding like a loser, in the past 10 days i have received or dialed two calls that were not my family or work. that is 2 social calls. however in the last 4 days i have received over 200 text messages. its a strange way of keeping in touch but i guess it works.
sorry this was a departure from my normal self deprecating, judgemental, petty posts which i love so much. i promise to return to those very soon.
you are the weakest link. goodbye.
in this technological age it seems as though the more we advance the more we digress. house phones are obsolete, no one makes calls on cell phones, emailing is seldom done on computers, and who watches tv on a television? its like saying you boil water in the fridge or make toast in the sink. it makes no sense yet im sure if some scientific mumbo jumbo hibbity dibbity figured out a way to make a perfectly golden brown piece of sourdough or a crunchy slice of rye using your faucet and a sponge people would be on that like white on rice. i know i would lest i get left behind in the rapidly changing digital landscape. (ok so toast in a sink isnt digital but you get the point).
the whole reason that i have been twittering my little heart out is that i had my friend safia change my facebook password until i get all my papers turned in next week or else i would be wasting hours looking at pictures of the latest party that i wasnt at, or even that i was at because there is no greater thrill than reliving your alcohol blurred memories than on a public forum. instead of wasting time on facebook i have been using email, checking fmylife like three times a day, twitter at least twice an hour, and checking blogs of all friends and acquaintances. i even broke down one time and hacked into someones account whose password i know, just to see that friendly navy blue banner and the tabs welcoming me to my home page, profile, friends, or inbox. i had been off facebook for like three days. i may need a twelve step program before the week is out.
blogging is another thing too. it is a forum for attention whores everywhere to get things off their chest and validate themselves in some way. someone out there is bound to agree with them, they just dont know it yet. i know thats how i feel. i love me some attention in any form i can get it. when i see that someone has left a comment i get a little thrill in the pit of my stomach. who is it? what did they say? did they think i was funny? i hope they thought i was funny. thats pretty much exactly how i thinnk and im not apologizing for it, just putting it out into the world, hoping someone else thinks that way too.
i guess i feel like we are losing something when we use social media so much. i know i miss face to face interactions, a phone call, a good conversation instead of a conversation limited to a wall post, a 160 character text or tweet, a comment on a blog. does this mean i am going to stop using all the new fangled ways of communicating? not at all, i just might make more of an effort to be more personal. at the risk of sounding like a loser, in the past 10 days i have received or dialed two calls that were not my family or work. that is 2 social calls. however in the last 4 days i have received over 200 text messages. its a strange way of keeping in touch but i guess it works.
sorry this was a departure from my normal self deprecating, judgemental, petty posts which i love so much. i promise to return to those very soon.
you are the weakest link. goodbye.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
a mournful day
today. today is a sad day. some of you may already know this, but last night i killed Luc. tragic really. my fictional friend was just going for a run and had a mis hap with a neighbor. after his run he came back and he took a shower. once he got out of the shower... curtains for luc. sorry luc. it was kinda hard to write. i mean luc is a little bit of me and killing him off was weird. now i know how JK Rowling felt killing Sirius. before i thought she was stupid for crying about killing a character that she made up but now i get it. what a tragedy. oh well. onward and upward.
at the risk of sounding like a 14 year old girl, i had a dream the other night that i saw the movie new moon. yes as in new moon the twilight sequel. judge me. please. i do. anyways. thats not the point. the point is that after seeing it i was very perturbed at the fact that the love of my life was not in it for some strange reason. who is the love of my life you ask? ashley greene aka alice. in the movie shes cute but in real life she has long hair and shes the perfect height and i may or may not be in love with her. is that creepy? probably. whatever. either way she was not in this version of new moon which surprised me because her name was in the credits and in the dream i knew that she had to go to vancouver to film the movie. WTF. clearly im having some strange subconscious issues.
today i found out that i have four papers due within 4 days of each other. that is one for monday, one for tuesday, one for wednesday, and one for thursday. they are all worth at least 20 % of my final grade. i knew going into today that i had three due that week, but now i have four. my super awesome lit teacher gave us the due date for his today. fuck. i hate papers. but class was good today because i got another star. high five for me. i said that in brokeback mountain the mountain is called brokeback because it is a metaphor for ennis and jack's (heath and jakey poo's) love for one another. their love is crippling i.e. they got a broken back. hot damn someone throw some water on me because i am ON FIRE. then we moved on to talking about as i lay dying which i hadn't opened since we read it junior year in ms. price's AP lit class. she was another teacher who hated me. probably because of the "loxodontas africanus" incident. we'll leave it at that.
in light of the fact that i have 4 papers due, several hundred pages of reading and my life to plan all within the next two weeks i should probably go be productive... aka watch house, lost and dead like me online followed by the 2 dvds of extras that came from netflix today. jealous? yeah me neither.
at the risk of sounding like a 14 year old girl, i had a dream the other night that i saw the movie new moon. yes as in new moon the twilight sequel. judge me. please. i do. anyways. thats not the point. the point is that after seeing it i was very perturbed at the fact that the love of my life was not in it for some strange reason. who is the love of my life you ask? ashley greene aka alice. in the movie shes cute but in real life she has long hair and shes the perfect height and i may or may not be in love with her. is that creepy? probably. whatever. either way she was not in this version of new moon which surprised me because her name was in the credits and in the dream i knew that she had to go to vancouver to film the movie. WTF. clearly im having some strange subconscious issues.
today i found out that i have four papers due within 4 days of each other. that is one for monday, one for tuesday, one for wednesday, and one for thursday. they are all worth at least 20 % of my final grade. i knew going into today that i had three due that week, but now i have four. my super awesome lit teacher gave us the due date for his today. fuck. i hate papers. but class was good today because i got another star. high five for me. i said that in brokeback mountain the mountain is called brokeback because it is a metaphor for ennis and jack's (heath and jakey poo's) love for one another. their love is crippling i.e. they got a broken back. hot damn someone throw some water on me because i am ON FIRE. then we moved on to talking about as i lay dying which i hadn't opened since we read it junior year in ms. price's AP lit class. she was another teacher who hated me. probably because of the "loxodontas africanus" incident. we'll leave it at that.
in light of the fact that i have 4 papers due, several hundred pages of reading and my life to plan all within the next two weeks i should probably go be productive... aka watch house, lost and dead like me online followed by the 2 dvds of extras that came from netflix today. jealous? yeah me neither.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
lifes candy and the suns a bowl of butter
i really have been needing to watch some mrs. doubtfire. that movie just gets me every single time. its just phenomenal.its shitty quality but you get the idea right? other good things that i have been wanting so watch again lately: the lion king. particularly timon and pumba and the hyenas. and of course james earl jones' big velvety man voice as MUFASA!!!!! classic. i remember going to see it in theaters with my dad and my sister when i was 6. no. 5. my brother was like a month old and me and my sister both got the chicken pox so my dad had to get us out of the house or my mother would have probably killed us. i wish i could put up a picture of my at age 5 in my power ranger tighty whiteys with chicken pox everywhere looking drugged out of my mind. maybe another time. you can only hope. ok i need to shower because i havent in a couple days and i went out boozing last night. its aight though cuz i got free dranks. score.
Friday, April 3, 2009
the party of the month? no the party of the year!
tonight i went to a DP. a DANCE ParTAY. dont worry. 4-5 guys and 1-2 girls= good times all around. it was fly as hell. and we listened to aaron's party. na na na na hey hey hey hey. then i ate a bagel. and a banana because they prevent hangovers. HOLLLA i luuh dat sshit. p.s. im druuuunk. but not like schwastey but drunk. ya know? its great. perfect combo right now
this has been quite possibly the longest week ever. did i do anything remarkably productive or noteworthy? negative. i watches several movies, the first season of my new favorite show extras and i went to class a few times. my life is so overwhelmingly fantastic i cant handle it. but more on extras. if you dont know what it is sucks for you. its AMAZING. its from ricky gervais (if you dont know who he is then you're a wanker) and it has ashley jensen from ugly betty (yeah i watch it stop judging me via blog). it was on for only 2 seasons for a total of 13 episodes but they are all such a hoot it doesnt even matter. the first one features kate winslet giving phone sex advice and then later acting like shes having phone sex as a guy jerkin her gerkin and doing the tongue flicking thing. i died. cant wait for my next netflix to arrive.
other things i did this week.... hmmm.... well.... uuuhh...... wow. i feel kinda like a loser now. thanks blogosphere. its aight. next year when im off having adventures on my year/rest of my life off i will have way cooler shit to write about. unless i puss out on it in which case i reserve all rights to lead the same semi boring life i do now.
hmmm im trying to think of something that has been pissing me off lately. i've been relatively mundane. oh hold the phone. today i went to ralphs and i nearly slapped a ho. i did not encounter steve, thank god, but i had an issue none the less. i chose the shortest line. i thought it was the normal line but it was actually an express lane for 15 items or less. i had probably 23. NBD. im a boss so i do what i want. i chose this lane because there was one chick checking out and then someone behind her whose sole purchase was a bottle of whiskey. my kinda broad. let me tell you she was a curvaceous sista from the hoooood so i decided not to spit my venom and just let her buy her whiskey in peace. then she took probably like a year and a half checking out. oh my lordy first the pin on her credit card wouldnt work. dont worry. she tried it like four times just to be safe. none worked. checked for another card. nope. try the pin again. FML. get on with it. then finally she figures her shit out and gets hellsa money cash back. our exasperated checker (uuh why are you exasperated you lazy shit you have the express lane you dont do anything) had no money left in the till so he had to take a loan from lane 4 and clear it with the manager to get my whiskey drinkin homegirl her cash back. this only took like another year. i was so over it. when i got in line i saw a dude who looked like samuel L jackson walk by me. then before the cash back incident even started samuel L jackson's doppelganger had already Pced out. dammit. i chose the wrong line. finally i got to check out and leave but i am never using the express lane again. its just a dirty trick from corporate america to herd us like cattle. ok i dont really believe that but hey, i can pretend to be all radical and anti-establishment (establishment in this case means grocery store), right?
in other news i made summer plans to get drunk in a kiddy pool. oh hot damn. i will be lovin that. i will get my shorty shorts on and some SPF 90 on my nose and then pancake on a lawn chair until i'm roasted to a tender medium rare, but the pain of the burn will be dulled by the copious amounts of booze that i will have consumed. its gonna be a bitch of a hangover but if i just go on a 3 month bender then i wont have to deal with it till august. risk of death? moderate. assurance of fun? guaranteed. foolproof plan if you ask me.
this has been quite possibly the longest week ever. did i do anything remarkably productive or noteworthy? negative. i watches several movies, the first season of my new favorite show extras and i went to class a few times. my life is so overwhelmingly fantastic i cant handle it. but more on extras. if you dont know what it is sucks for you. its AMAZING. its from ricky gervais (if you dont know who he is then you're a wanker) and it has ashley jensen from ugly betty (yeah i watch it stop judging me via blog). it was on for only 2 seasons for a total of 13 episodes but they are all such a hoot it doesnt even matter. the first one features kate winslet giving phone sex advice and then later acting like shes having phone sex as a guy jerkin her gerkin and doing the tongue flicking thing. i died. cant wait for my next netflix to arrive.
other things i did this week.... hmmm.... well.... uuuhh...... wow. i feel kinda like a loser now. thanks blogosphere. its aight. next year when im off having adventures on my year/rest of my life off i will have way cooler shit to write about. unless i puss out on it in which case i reserve all rights to lead the same semi boring life i do now.
hmmm im trying to think of something that has been pissing me off lately. i've been relatively mundane. oh hold the phone. today i went to ralphs and i nearly slapped a ho. i did not encounter steve, thank god, but i had an issue none the less. i chose the shortest line. i thought it was the normal line but it was actually an express lane for 15 items or less. i had probably 23. NBD. im a boss so i do what i want. i chose this lane because there was one chick checking out and then someone behind her whose sole purchase was a bottle of whiskey. my kinda broad. let me tell you she was a curvaceous sista from the hoooood so i decided not to spit my venom and just let her buy her whiskey in peace. then she took probably like a year and a half checking out. oh my lordy first the pin on her credit card wouldnt work. dont worry. she tried it like four times just to be safe. none worked. checked for another card. nope. try the pin again. FML. get on with it. then finally she figures her shit out and gets hellsa money cash back. our exasperated checker (uuh why are you exasperated you lazy shit you have the express lane you dont do anything) had no money left in the till so he had to take a loan from lane 4 and clear it with the manager to get my whiskey drinkin homegirl her cash back. this only took like another year. i was so over it. when i got in line i saw a dude who looked like samuel L jackson walk by me. then before the cash back incident even started samuel L jackson's doppelganger had already Pced out. dammit. i chose the wrong line. finally i got to check out and leave but i am never using the express lane again. its just a dirty trick from corporate america to herd us like cattle. ok i dont really believe that but hey, i can pretend to be all radical and anti-establishment (establishment in this case means grocery store), right?
in other news i made summer plans to get drunk in a kiddy pool. oh hot damn. i will be lovin that. i will get my shorty shorts on and some SPF 90 on my nose and then pancake on a lawn chair until i'm roasted to a tender medium rare, but the pain of the burn will be dulled by the copious amounts of booze that i will have consumed. its gonna be a bitch of a hangover but if i just go on a 3 month bender then i wont have to deal with it till august. risk of death? moderate. assurance of fun? guaranteed. foolproof plan if you ask me.
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