im down like the economy

i have started like four blogs about my life for the past couple of weeks but i cant seem to get any of them right. some seem to low brow, some sound like i'm trying too hard to be philosophical, and some are just stupid. so for now i am going to stick to writing from the heart- my most sincere and inner truths... not.

lately i have been facing some financial dilemmas. i have been cut off since i am not in school, which is understandable and i can deal with that. my mom has allowed me to essentially open a tab with her that i can just pay back later. this seems ok for now, but in a year when i am (probably) starting a new school in a new town i am going to be hard up for cash and friendless. overwhelming, right? my solution- cougar.



my good friend sarah mae jennings has been searching for a sugar daddy for months and as of yet has come up short. her plans for me to become her sugar daddy are looking bleaker as my debt is reaching the heights of mount vesuvius, so i decided to take a page out of her book and find someone to take care of me. she will shower me with gifts, fly me all over the world, feed me delicious food and make all of my wildest dreams come true, and in return i will make her feel young and look daaaayumm fine on her arm in front of her aging friends. im not above being an accessory.

my search for the perfect cougar is still in the beginning stages. she has to be somewhat attractive, otherwise this just isnt going to work out. i may not have many morals, but my standards are firmly set in place. im thinking something along the lines of mary louise parker, kate walsh, or even as old as julia louis dreyfuss. tina fey (see above) is also a prime candidate. also, shes gotta have dollas. a certain family member of mine is a cougar with a boytoy a decade or so younger, but she is nearly broke as a joke. im not into that situation. i need some financial stability and an accessible bank account. liquid assets are a must, but i like to see some investments. real estate is cheap right now, so snatching up houses all over the world would be a wise decision. look at me- i can be man candy AND a financial adviser. its a win-win if you ask me.

so, in conclusion to this little side note, if you have any cougs in your life that are single and lookin to mingle- send 'em my way.

ok now that i have taken care of that, a brief update on my life since NYC, my favorite city ever.

i went to boston- margaritas, sailing, mexican food, UFO beer and sinning in a church yard.
then after a four hour delay and me having visions of the plane being swept off the runway in a flash flood, i touched down in atlanta. it was a standard ATL visit- saw gigi, ate zaxbys, saw stephen, generally did nothing. then... ATHENS- probably my second favorite city and the greatest college town ever. i kicked it at 1979, slept in a bed with a man dam so kerry and i wouldnt touch in the middle of the night, met a glass elephant named turk, saw hollis wollis and victoria jennings who walks on the moon (but not like MJ), jammed to MJ and goofy movie sound track, made some new friends, and spent some quality time with one of my favorite people in the world (not that the rest of you arent amazing) sarah mae jennings. our narcissism creates a relationship based on telling each other how awesome we are. oh, and apparently, if i was a drug, i would be heroin because i am bad ass- but not like a strung out junkie on heroin, but like a bad ass rocker/celebrity on heroin that everyone wants to be. i make addiction look cool. that's definitely going on my college applications.