my friends in la they dont know...

well none of my friends know really. i imagine that many people out there have a vision of my life as a care free and lavish adventure spanning the globe from berlin to sydney and everywhere in between (except asia and africa- they have way too many peanuts involved for me to ever even set foot there). while that may have been true for a while, i have now been reduced to housewife status due to unemployment and a bank account that seems to drop precipitously with every passing day. gone are the days of surfing, scuba diving, and living in a van named gollum:



now my days really are what every housewife aspires to. i wake up at my leisure, drink my coffee and check the morning news (by morning news i mean facebook and twitter because lets get real, i could give a shit about the rest of the world). then i might have an omelet- egg white of course, choc full of veggies, followed by a nice work out. after getting all schwetty i generally eat a healthy lunch, i watch tv, search for a job, more facebook, and generally do nothing. eventually i make myself something delicious for dinner- a steak with sauteed mushrooms and onions in a red wine sauce perhaps, and watch more tv whilst drinking alone. today however, i am doing the other end of the housewife work spectrum: dishes and laundry. how fun is that!

in all reality though im just dead up bored. my friends are all still at school and i have little to entertain me besides illegally streaming episodes of bones online (i watched 14 episodes yesterday). i dont even have any funny stories to impart. i went to LA last weekend for a little getaway and while it was a barrel of laughs nothing outlandish happened. oh except that alyssa peed in a del taco cup on the bus on the way to the sorority function. that shit was funny. and i had an extremely awkward man from texarcana, arkansas sitting next to me on the plane. he kept trying to make conversation with me by way of looking out the window, away from me, mumbling something clearly intended for me to hear so i was forced to say "come again?" "whats that?" or "pardon?" roughly 34 times. i was just trying to read my book! he also was an AVID fan of sky mall. he picked it up and said "you know, they got some really good stuff in here. i've got my eye on a few things that i might just have to get." i was afraid to ask what for fear that he would indicate a yearning for the meerkat lawn statues or the neckpro traction device:

its a little too S&M for my liking but hey, whatever floats your boat. overall he was a nice guy but he clearly just didnt pick up the signals that i dont do small talk. i am content to sit in silence and mind my own business without any distractions about mountains or lakes or whatever else one can see from a plane.

so since that brief interaction i have been job hunting, house wifing and doing nothing. unfortunately no one is hiring. at all. at least im not above being a craigslist man whore for hire.