who knew that aussies could be all thug life and shit. ok well they're not but this week at surf camp i was introduced to a whole new realm of musical possibilities: australian hip hop, specifically bliss n esso. it was waaaayyy cool. every morning on the way to the beach our instructor would bump it and i would just get amped for the day.
ok, now lets briefly rewind. i went to five days of surf camp which was awesome. effing awesome in fact. monday morning in sydney kit and i stumbled out of our hostel at 715 and dragged our bags do the bus station, briefly got way lost, and then eventually found our bus for Waves Surf School. for the next five days we surfed for hours on end on big blue foam surf boards (so we dont bonk our heads and hurt them, which is what happened to a wee british girl named joooodi) and then as soon as the sun went down it was party time. apparently there are three kinds of surf camps: ones that are serious about surfing, ones that surf alot with drinking on the side, and ones that drink alot with surfing on the side. this camp was the latter. the first night we played an uncomfortably sexual game of never have i ever in which you say things you had done and let me tell you the european girls are FREAKS. we're talking threesomes, foursomes, moresomes, lesbian experimentation, anonymous sex in alleys. WOW. after that i felt like the little sweet baby jesus compared to some of these people. no worries though, it didnt stop us from becoming fast friends... or not. almost everyone was german or german speaking (including a swiss-italian, let me tell you a deutch loving guido is not any better than the regular american verson) and kit and i were the only americans out of our group of 18. fine by me we had to rep america right. we did. everyone kept telling us "oohh you americans are lightweights, you are all idiots, you talk funny" well guess what bitches, the second night of surf camp was the biggest party of the week and 4 europeans puked. FOUR. how many americans? NONE. who was up raging the latest- you guessed it, AMERICA!!!!
this competitive streak in me resurfaced later in the week. a couple of times actually. the first was when we were having our end of the week surf competition. i was all gung ho to win and i surfed my ass off. i mean i got up on waves, i tried to do a sommersault while moving, i did the dead cockroach while moving, and did 180s on the board like it was my job. i thought i was a shoe in to win that shit, cuz lets face it, im a big deal. after our competition we ate lunch and waited for rhys, our instructor, to announce my victory. buut nooooooooooooo. the GD swiss guido won. doubleyoo tee eff. i totally was way cooler than him! and i dont have dumb pierced ears. bitches.
that night i got all competitive again. like unhealthily competitive. we went to this bar in byron bay called cheeky monkeys with the whole surf school crew and there was also another surf school there for their end of the week party. the issue? they were raging way harder than us. i was soooo mad. they were dancing on tables, drinking margaritas and getting rowdy. meanwhile, waves was just sitting and sipping our free beer. whaaat??? i thought we were supposed to be the partiers who only surf on the side!!! have i been mislead by my faithful leader/ aussie surf bum? NEVER. next thing you know i was bumpin and grinding on the table with the dirtiest of all dirty germans (no really, she did XXX rated things on the dancefloor on a previous night, dont worry, not with me though, i was preoccupied with a much hotter and less infected german). we rallied the troops, starting with my trusty partner, kit, and before you knew it we had ourselves a table dancing good time. we only stopped dancing for competitions involving mock fellatio onstage (...) and another little contest that i participated in that involved getting naked to win a skydiving trip. dont worry, i tried my damndest to get a free skydive but after stripping to my skivvies onstage in front of all my new BFFs i decided i would keep my boxers and my dignity on, put my pants back on, and got off stage.
its alright though... my consolation prize was a bangin goodbye kiss with the afformentioned hot and disease-less german. i gave her my heart... and my name for facebook and i dont even get a friend request in return. alas, i ache... i pine... i booze.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Friday, October 9, 2009
did we go to the pub?
yoooooooooooooooooo
the blue mountains were a spectacular sight to see indeed. we even made friends with our roommate, as i said earlier. well our second night at the far from lovely katoomba mountain lodge we were eating dinner when our friend came busting into the dining room, several beers deep, and told us that he had come specifically to take us out to the pub with him. ok i suppose we can handle that. after a couple drinks in front of the fire and being yelled at by the proprietors small daughter we braved the cold night. we arrived at the pub to only find like four people there. one of whom apparently knew our friend, whose name turned out to be angus. first thought upon learning that tidbit- burger. flame broiled angus burgers from burger king (which is called hungry jack's here) to be exact. we promptly moved to the pool table after brief introductions. the fellow who knew angus is named adrian, and kit and i are reasonably certain that he is homeless. he was wearing a flannel shirt, perriwinkle addidas track pants and some strange kicks. he also insisted on calling me mistah C and that i call him mister tiger. hes a bengals fan you see, so he was very sure that they would win the superbowl. even I, with my limited football knowledge, knew that it just wasnt going to happen. sorry mister tiger. you shall be disappointed.
after kicking tigers ass in pool we moved into the piano lounge. this really was just a restaurant part of the bar with a piano in it. the piano was occupied by a "bird" in a wig lookin thing that was more scary than endearing. she was playing for an american with dyed red hair who was deeply moved by the mediocre showtunes tinkling away on the piano, and a strange aussie man who reminded me of the cowardly lion, probably because he and angus harmonized on "somewhere over the rainbow." not to be outdone i gave my best when she started playing "piano man." unfortunately i couldnt compete with two grown men on the verge of tears (they were deeply moved as well). after asking angus not to hug her any more, the piano player excused herself for the night, as did kit and i. we bid adieu to our friends and headed back to our subzero lair for a long winters nap. the next morning we hightailed it out of there as fast as we could, but not before kit had the opportunity to speak to angus. he said "good morning, did we go to the pub last night?" apparently angus is a raging alcoholic and a highly functioning black out drunk. good on ya mate.
yesterday we returned to sydney and now we are gearing up for surf camp. last night we made normal friends at the pub next to our nice, clean, warm hostel and they even offered us a place to stay in bondi beach or to hook us up in new zealand. what swell folks. also at the pub, i reaffirmed by place in hell. after seeing a woman playing pool in a wheelchair i started pondering the logistics of drinking in a wheelchair. when you drink alot sitting down and then stand up, usually you are more intoxicated that you originally thought, but what happens when you cant stand up? i am actually curious about how this changes the logistics of inebriation. my world has been rocked.
the blue mountains were a spectacular sight to see indeed. we even made friends with our roommate, as i said earlier. well our second night at the far from lovely katoomba mountain lodge we were eating dinner when our friend came busting into the dining room, several beers deep, and told us that he had come specifically to take us out to the pub with him. ok i suppose we can handle that. after a couple drinks in front of the fire and being yelled at by the proprietors small daughter we braved the cold night. we arrived at the pub to only find like four people there. one of whom apparently knew our friend, whose name turned out to be angus. first thought upon learning that tidbit- burger. flame broiled angus burgers from burger king (which is called hungry jack's here) to be exact. we promptly moved to the pool table after brief introductions. the fellow who knew angus is named adrian, and kit and i are reasonably certain that he is homeless. he was wearing a flannel shirt, perriwinkle addidas track pants and some strange kicks. he also insisted on calling me mistah C and that i call him mister tiger. hes a bengals fan you see, so he was very sure that they would win the superbowl. even I, with my limited football knowledge, knew that it just wasnt going to happen. sorry mister tiger. you shall be disappointed.
after kicking tigers ass in pool we moved into the piano lounge. this really was just a restaurant part of the bar with a piano in it. the piano was occupied by a "bird" in a wig lookin thing that was more scary than endearing. she was playing for an american with dyed red hair who was deeply moved by the mediocre showtunes tinkling away on the piano, and a strange aussie man who reminded me of the cowardly lion, probably because he and angus harmonized on "somewhere over the rainbow." not to be outdone i gave my best when she started playing "piano man." unfortunately i couldnt compete with two grown men on the verge of tears (they were deeply moved as well). after asking angus not to hug her any more, the piano player excused herself for the night, as did kit and i. we bid adieu to our friends and headed back to our subzero lair for a long winters nap. the next morning we hightailed it out of there as fast as we could, but not before kit had the opportunity to speak to angus. he said "good morning, did we go to the pub last night?" apparently angus is a raging alcoholic and a highly functioning black out drunk. good on ya mate.
yesterday we returned to sydney and now we are gearing up for surf camp. last night we made normal friends at the pub next to our nice, clean, warm hostel and they even offered us a place to stay in bondi beach or to hook us up in new zealand. what swell folks. also at the pub, i reaffirmed by place in hell. after seeing a woman playing pool in a wheelchair i started pondering the logistics of drinking in a wheelchair. when you drink alot sitting down and then stand up, usually you are more intoxicated that you originally thought, but what happens when you cant stand up? i am actually curious about how this changes the logistics of inebriation. my world has been rocked.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
tim tam titty tat tit tut
tim tams are the oreo's way cooler australian cousin. if oreos were waaay more delicious and then the center was filled with chocolate and then the whole shebang was then dipped in chocolate, then it would be a tim tam. i love them. the only issue is that i may or may not be allergic to them. i kinda got itchy scratchy after eating them, but they were so delicious that i ate more. hmm. well im not dead so i might as well keep enjoying, right?
at the moment i am in the uber chic Katoomba Mountain Lodge- by uber chic i mean kinda gross, dont want to touch the blankets and apparently there is no central heating. not to worry though- i have a sleeping sac and anti-freeze like vodka! i'll never be too cold now!
katoomba is in the blue mountains about two hours by train outside of sydney, and its amazing her. at first i wasnt sold because when we got off of the train wearing shorts and a tshirt, appropriate for sydney, i was bitch slapped with some frigid air and rain. not my cup of tea. oh well. after braving the streets of katoomba we settled on our current accomodation, mostly becuase it was cheap and close to the main road and i was a human popsicle. today, however, is much warmer and sunny and this place is AMAZING!!! i would instert a pic but this computer is a POS and not conducive to multiple windows being open. the town is up on a cliff, and then off of the cliff is about 1000 feet until a valley floor and tons of trees and other cliffs for miles and miles around. its pretty epic. we hiked down into the valley this morning and then back up the cliffs and i loved every minute of it. i cant wait to post pics, but i might not be able to for a looong time. like 6.5 weeks when i get home for turkey day. yum.
getting up to katoomba was an adventure. yesterday morning we woke up at our irish pub hotel, bolted our brekkie and booked it to the bus station so that we could go up to Hunter Valley wine country and get googily at wine tastings all day. after freaking out and finally finding the bus terminal, all the while shlepping our crap everywhere, we learned that the bus that we had just missed didnt even exist. in fact, there is no bus service to hunter valley anymore. FOL (thats f OUR lives for the slower students). there is a train but it will take you four hours and poop you out two towns away from wher you need to be. hokay. not so good. so kit and i go into zombie mode. if anyone has ever seen me try to make decisions under stress then you know that i am not so good. i sit, i stare, and i sulk. unfortunately, so does kit. we attempted to rent a car- fail, we attempted to find another bus tour- fail, we brainstormed other locations to go to- initial fail but that eventually led us to katoomba. also in our many fails we encountered an aussie woman who kept saying "okie kokie" like it was a perfectly natural thing to espouse in casual conversation. shits weird.
also, while in sydney, we booked more activities. our planning skills were not working out well despite kit and i both attending prestigious universities. after going to europe we figured hopping around australia would be a breeze, theres not even a language barrier. wrong. im not sure if you are aware, but this shits big. its like a whole continent. roughly the size of the US. and most of it is the bush. it doenst really embrace a quick hop on a train or bus. sydney to cairns on a bus is like 2 days straight. who knew. i thought it would be like ten hours- and thats only the east coast. we arent even venturing inland probably. after realizing that this continent is indeed huge we turned to our trusty travel agent friend, joshua, for help. now we are booked on a five day travelling surf trip from sydney to byron bay (just south of brisbane on the gold coast) and a five day scuba certification course including 2 days living aboard a boat on the great barrier reef!!!!!!!!!!! YESS YES YES YES. i am so excited. epic adventures hellooooo!!!! now all i have to do is see a kangaroo and i will be set.
alright folks, tonight we are hitting the town in katoomba, possibly with our roomie whose name we dont know even though we kicked it and had drinks with him for a good two hours last night. it was our first time getting moderately intoxicated and also our first time staying up later than 10. jetlag's a bitch.
at the moment i am in the uber chic Katoomba Mountain Lodge- by uber chic i mean kinda gross, dont want to touch the blankets and apparently there is no central heating. not to worry though- i have a sleeping sac and anti-freeze like vodka! i'll never be too cold now!
katoomba is in the blue mountains about two hours by train outside of sydney, and its amazing her. at first i wasnt sold because when we got off of the train wearing shorts and a tshirt, appropriate for sydney, i was bitch slapped with some frigid air and rain. not my cup of tea. oh well. after braving the streets of katoomba we settled on our current accomodation, mostly becuase it was cheap and close to the main road and i was a human popsicle. today, however, is much warmer and sunny and this place is AMAZING!!! i would instert a pic but this computer is a POS and not conducive to multiple windows being open. the town is up on a cliff, and then off of the cliff is about 1000 feet until a valley floor and tons of trees and other cliffs for miles and miles around. its pretty epic. we hiked down into the valley this morning and then back up the cliffs and i loved every minute of it. i cant wait to post pics, but i might not be able to for a looong time. like 6.5 weeks when i get home for turkey day. yum.
getting up to katoomba was an adventure. yesterday morning we woke up at our irish pub hotel, bolted our brekkie and booked it to the bus station so that we could go up to Hunter Valley wine country and get googily at wine tastings all day. after freaking out and finally finding the bus terminal, all the while shlepping our crap everywhere, we learned that the bus that we had just missed didnt even exist. in fact, there is no bus service to hunter valley anymore. FOL (thats f OUR lives for the slower students). there is a train but it will take you four hours and poop you out two towns away from wher you need to be. hokay. not so good. so kit and i go into zombie mode. if anyone has ever seen me try to make decisions under stress then you know that i am not so good. i sit, i stare, and i sulk. unfortunately, so does kit. we attempted to rent a car- fail, we attempted to find another bus tour- fail, we brainstormed other locations to go to- initial fail but that eventually led us to katoomba. also in our many fails we encountered an aussie woman who kept saying "okie kokie" like it was a perfectly natural thing to espouse in casual conversation. shits weird.
also, while in sydney, we booked more activities. our planning skills were not working out well despite kit and i both attending prestigious universities. after going to europe we figured hopping around australia would be a breeze, theres not even a language barrier. wrong. im not sure if you are aware, but this shits big. its like a whole continent. roughly the size of the US. and most of it is the bush. it doenst really embrace a quick hop on a train or bus. sydney to cairns on a bus is like 2 days straight. who knew. i thought it would be like ten hours- and thats only the east coast. we arent even venturing inland probably. after realizing that this continent is indeed huge we turned to our trusty travel agent friend, joshua, for help. now we are booked on a five day travelling surf trip from sydney to byron bay (just south of brisbane on the gold coast) and a five day scuba certification course including 2 days living aboard a boat on the great barrier reef!!!!!!!!!!! YESS YES YES YES. i am so excited. epic adventures hellooooo!!!! now all i have to do is see a kangaroo and i will be set.
alright folks, tonight we are hitting the town in katoomba, possibly with our roomie whose name we dont know even though we kicked it and had drinks with him for a good two hours last night. it was our first time getting moderately intoxicated and also our first time staying up later than 10. jetlag's a bitch.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
$6 Jugs
G'day from sydney australia. after a 14 hour flight complete with in seat movies, three meals and exploding salad dressing, i arrived in sydney less than bright eyed and bushy tailed. kit and i schlepped our carry on rolly bags with matching backpacks and duty free booze off the plane, through customs and onto a free shuttle that seemed like it may abduct us into the outback instead of drop us off at our seedy hostel. i say seedy and i mean it sincerely. it was kinda dingy and gross, but we made friends with an irish guy this morning at 8 am. he was drinking red bull mixed with boxed wine. mmmm mmm good. he also told me i looked like a brad. oh well. i prefer my name anyways and we bailed on that hostel about three minutes later. now we are staying over a pub with our own room and bathroom. much more my style- you can buy cheap pitchers aka jugs of beer and then just toddle on up to the room for a nap. HOLLA
ok that last paragraph was kinda jumpin around and like wow. i need a second to collect my thoughts so that i can properly impart the wonders that i have beheld since in sydney.'
ok thoughts collected.
yesterday after checking into the hostel we grabbed a free map and started wandering the streets. we found a really cool old catholic church and strolled through a park. we took pictures in front of the opera house and even went inside for minute. very cool stuff- its really cavernous and a little intimidating. very opera-y. we just explored the streets for a few hours and got a feel for the city before returning back to our hostel for nap time and showers. we then went to watch the national rugby league grand final at the bar that we are now staying over. it was packed with aussies and they meant business. old men were drinking jugs by themselves and all sorts of other dudes were there just yelling for the most part. kit and i, being the avid rugby fans that we are, had no idea what the hell was going on. it was sortof like football but at the pace of soccer and way more fun than either one to watch. the players would wail on each other and then get up like it was nothing, all the while without pads. they make american football players look like the wimply little kid who lived down the block from you whose mom made him wear all the pads to go rollerblading, including wrist guards (ok that was me). rugby players are bad ass. end of story. we managed to befriend a drunk aussie with bad teeth and awkwardly long jorts who sortof told us what was going on mostly by yelling "FUCK FUCK FUCKIN FUCK" whenever anything happened. suffice it to say his team didnt win.
after this enlightening experience we returned to our hotel, made some cheap pasta and then passed the F out at 9 o clock, only to be awakened by our 2 asian roommies who we never actually interacted with.
this morning after our breakfast with the drunk irish guy we went to the royal botanical gardens where we saw wild cocatoos and fruit bats everywhere. those bastards were hanging in every tree they could. apparently they dont live in caves here, just in city parks. waaay cool. we also went to the australian maritime museum and the sydney fish market. the fish market was giant, smelly and overwhelming, but made me want some sushi reaaaal bad. dinner perhaps? we shall see. for now we are hoppin on some free internet and planning our next adventure- beach time, national parks and wine tasting. HELLLL YEAH
ok that last paragraph was kinda jumpin around and like wow. i need a second to collect my thoughts so that i can properly impart the wonders that i have beheld since in sydney.'
ok thoughts collected.
yesterday after checking into the hostel we grabbed a free map and started wandering the streets. we found a really cool old catholic church and strolled through a park. we took pictures in front of the opera house and even went inside for minute. very cool stuff- its really cavernous and a little intimidating. very opera-y. we just explored the streets for a few hours and got a feel for the city before returning back to our hostel for nap time and showers. we then went to watch the national rugby league grand final at the bar that we are now staying over. it was packed with aussies and they meant business. old men were drinking jugs by themselves and all sorts of other dudes were there just yelling for the most part. kit and i, being the avid rugby fans that we are, had no idea what the hell was going on. it was sortof like football but at the pace of soccer and way more fun than either one to watch. the players would wail on each other and then get up like it was nothing, all the while without pads. they make american football players look like the wimply little kid who lived down the block from you whose mom made him wear all the pads to go rollerblading, including wrist guards (ok that was me). rugby players are bad ass. end of story. we managed to befriend a drunk aussie with bad teeth and awkwardly long jorts who sortof told us what was going on mostly by yelling "FUCK FUCK FUCKIN FUCK" whenever anything happened. suffice it to say his team didnt win.
after this enlightening experience we returned to our hotel, made some cheap pasta and then passed the F out at 9 o clock, only to be awakened by our 2 asian roommies who we never actually interacted with.
this morning after our breakfast with the drunk irish guy we went to the royal botanical gardens where we saw wild cocatoos and fruit bats everywhere. those bastards were hanging in every tree they could. apparently they dont live in caves here, just in city parks. waaay cool. we also went to the australian maritime museum and the sydney fish market. the fish market was giant, smelly and overwhelming, but made me want some sushi reaaaal bad. dinner perhaps? we shall see. for now we are hoppin on some free internet and planning our next adventure- beach time, national parks and wine tasting. HELLLL YEAH
Friday, October 2, 2009
he smiled and gave me a vegemite sandwich
today is the day
they day i become a man
the day i experience all that the world has to offer
the day that i get on a plane for 14 hours and think "oh god why on earth am i doing this to myself."
today is the day that i leave for australia and new zealand on an epic 7 week adventure.
for this post i attempted to rewrite "leavin on a jet plane" to make it more applicable to my life. fail. i made it through like four lines and then i was over it. plus im not completely packed, have no idea where some essential items that i may require are, and i have a runny nose. if i get the piggy flu i am gonna slap a ho. speaking of hos, i tried to find some employment while i am down under- i googled "man whoring in australia, employment." unfortunately it did not yield any viable results. oh well, for the best anyways i suppose.
well folks, wish me luck. i will do my best to update this whenever i can and take hella pictures. yeah. i said hella. pce out U.S. andA... helllooooooooooooooo kangaroos, wallabys, vegemite, echidnas, platapi, dingos, accents, fosters, barbies, and fair dinkum.
oh yeah and her:
they day i become a man
the day i experience all that the world has to offer
the day that i get on a plane for 14 hours and think "oh god why on earth am i doing this to myself."
today is the day that i leave for australia and new zealand on an epic 7 week adventure.
for this post i attempted to rewrite "leavin on a jet plane" to make it more applicable to my life. fail. i made it through like four lines and then i was over it. plus im not completely packed, have no idea where some essential items that i may require are, and i have a runny nose. if i get the piggy flu i am gonna slap a ho. speaking of hos, i tried to find some employment while i am down under- i googled "man whoring in australia, employment." unfortunately it did not yield any viable results. oh well, for the best anyways i suppose.
well folks, wish me luck. i will do my best to update this whenever i can and take hella pictures. yeah. i said hella. pce out U.S. andA... helllooooooooooooooo kangaroos, wallabys, vegemite, echidnas, platapi, dingos, accents, fosters, barbies, and fair dinkum.
oh yeah and her:
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
im down like the economy
i have started like four blogs about my life for the past couple of weeks but i cant seem to get any of them right. some seem to low brow, some sound like i'm trying too hard to be philosophical, and some are just stupid. so for now i am going to stick to writing from the heart- my most sincere and inner truths... not.
lately i have been facing some financial dilemmas. i have been cut off since i am not in school, which is understandable and i can deal with that. my mom has allowed me to essentially open a tab with her that i can just pay back later. this seems ok for now, but in a year when i am (probably) starting a new school in a new town i am going to be hard up for cash and friendless. overwhelming, right? my solution- cougar.
my good friend sarah mae jennings has been searching for a sugar daddy for months and as of yet has come up short. her plans for me to become her sugar daddy are looking bleaker as my debt is reaching the heights of mount vesuvius, so i decided to take a page out of her book and find someone to take care of me. she will shower me with gifts, fly me all over the world, feed me delicious food and make all of my wildest dreams come true, and in return i will make her feel young and look daaaayumm fine on her arm in front of her aging friends. im not above being an accessory.
my search for the perfect cougar is still in the beginning stages. she has to be somewhat attractive, otherwise this just isnt going to work out. i may not have many morals, but my standards are firmly set in place. im thinking something along the lines of mary louise parker, kate walsh, or even as old as julia louis dreyfuss. tina fey (see above) is also a prime candidate. also, shes gotta have dollas. a certain family member of mine is a cougar with a boytoy a decade or so younger, but she is nearly broke as a joke. im not into that situation. i need some financial stability and an accessible bank account. liquid assets are a must, but i like to see some investments. real estate is cheap right now, so snatching up houses all over the world would be a wise decision. look at me- i can be man candy AND a financial adviser. its a win-win if you ask me.
so, in conclusion to this little side note, if you have any cougs in your life that are single and lookin to mingle- send 'em my way.
ok now that i have taken care of that, a brief update on my life since NYC, my favorite city ever.
i went to boston- margaritas, sailing, mexican food, UFO beer and sinning in a church yard.
then after a four hour delay and me having visions of the plane being swept off the runway in a flash flood, i touched down in atlanta. it was a standard ATL visit- saw gigi, ate zaxbys, saw stephen, generally did nothing. then... ATHENS- probably my second favorite city and the greatest college town ever. i kicked it at 1979, slept in a bed with a man dam so kerry and i wouldnt touch in the middle of the night, met a glass elephant named turk, saw hollis wollis and victoria jennings who walks on the moon (but not like MJ), jammed to MJ and goofy movie sound track, made some new friends, and spent some quality time with one of my favorite people in the world (not that the rest of you arent amazing) sarah mae jennings. our narcissism creates a relationship based on telling each other how awesome we are. oh, and apparently, if i was a drug, i would be heroin because i am bad ass- but not like a strung out junkie on heroin, but like a bad ass rocker/celebrity on heroin that everyone wants to be. i make addiction look cool. that's definitely going on my college applications.
lately i have been facing some financial dilemmas. i have been cut off since i am not in school, which is understandable and i can deal with that. my mom has allowed me to essentially open a tab with her that i can just pay back later. this seems ok for now, but in a year when i am (probably) starting a new school in a new town i am going to be hard up for cash and friendless. overwhelming, right? my solution- cougar.
my good friend sarah mae jennings has been searching for a sugar daddy for months and as of yet has come up short. her plans for me to become her sugar daddy are looking bleaker as my debt is reaching the heights of mount vesuvius, so i decided to take a page out of her book and find someone to take care of me. she will shower me with gifts, fly me all over the world, feed me delicious food and make all of my wildest dreams come true, and in return i will make her feel young and look daaaayumm fine on her arm in front of her aging friends. im not above being an accessory.
my search for the perfect cougar is still in the beginning stages. she has to be somewhat attractive, otherwise this just isnt going to work out. i may not have many morals, but my standards are firmly set in place. im thinking something along the lines of mary louise parker, kate walsh, or even as old as julia louis dreyfuss. tina fey (see above) is also a prime candidate. also, shes gotta have dollas. a certain family member of mine is a cougar with a boytoy a decade or so younger, but she is nearly broke as a joke. im not into that situation. i need some financial stability and an accessible bank account. liquid assets are a must, but i like to see some investments. real estate is cheap right now, so snatching up houses all over the world would be a wise decision. look at me- i can be man candy AND a financial adviser. its a win-win if you ask me.
so, in conclusion to this little side note, if you have any cougs in your life that are single and lookin to mingle- send 'em my way.
ok now that i have taken care of that, a brief update on my life since NYC, my favorite city ever.
i went to boston- margaritas, sailing, mexican food, UFO beer and sinning in a church yard.
then after a four hour delay and me having visions of the plane being swept off the runway in a flash flood, i touched down in atlanta. it was a standard ATL visit- saw gigi, ate zaxbys, saw stephen, generally did nothing. then... ATHENS- probably my second favorite city and the greatest college town ever. i kicked it at 1979, slept in a bed with a man dam so kerry and i wouldnt touch in the middle of the night, met a glass elephant named turk, saw hollis wollis and victoria jennings who walks on the moon (but not like MJ), jammed to MJ and goofy movie sound track, made some new friends, and spent some quality time with one of my favorite people in the world (not that the rest of you arent amazing) sarah mae jennings. our narcissism creates a relationship based on telling each other how awesome we are. oh, and apparently, if i was a drug, i would be heroin because i am bad ass- but not like a strung out junkie on heroin, but like a bad ass rocker/celebrity on heroin that everyone wants to be. i make addiction look cool. that's definitely going on my college applications.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
these streets will make you feel brand new
as i venture out into the world on my own i am starting to figure some stuff out about myself. i am over paranoid about having food allergies. i love meeting new people and i enjoy it alot more since i decided to quit being awkward. i despise people who i want to be just like. i can be wildly inappropriate, but i love doing it. oh, and I LOVE NEW YORK. not the sassy sista from the VH1 show, though i do love her too.
i love the city
the people
the sights
the smells
the attitudes
the food
the atmosphere
everything
my grandpa lives here, smack in the middle of park avenue, three blocks from central park. since on this particular adventure i am not visiting any schools, i have a couple of days to kill. the first day that i showed up here i was hungover and slightly disoriented after a few days of good times in philly and connecticut. i dropped my things off at pops and then rolled out to see the city. my first wanderings took me to fifth avenue to explore the lifestyles of the rich and famous. as soon as i come within view of the plaza hotel i noticed tons of video cameras and people. uuhh ok so whats this about? next thing i know doctor phil's balding self is talking to a tattooed and leather clad man with motorcycles. nice motorcycles. it must have been his midlife crisis special. dr. phil really has nothing interesting to offer me so i moved on with my life. strolling down the avenue i stared at the ridiculous looking people going into the high fashion boutiques, the plump tourists waiting for their chance to pose next to the models in front of abercrombie, the homeless guys shaking cups at passersby and just hoping for enough change to buy their next drink. people of all sorts rubbing shoulders on the streets and living on the same tiny island and calling it home. alas, i digress and wax nostalgic.
after this small stroll i went to lunch with a couple of my former sail caribbean students at serendipity. deeeelicious. then we went walking through the streets some more. we passed 30 rock, david letterman, and a huge street fair stretching for blocks down lexington avenue. as we kept wandering we realized that the VMAs were scheduled for that night at the radio city music hall. that explains all of the ridiculously formal people waiting in lines that said "check in." we wandered towards sixth ave and all of a sudden hear taylor swift blasting over through the streets. assuming its just a promo for the show that night, we kept walking. we were about to turn a corner when we saw people running back towards where we came from. there she is. my future wife and the love of my life- T.Swift singing and rockin out on top of a cab roughly 50 feet away from me. AAAAHAAAHHHHHHHHh all of my hopes and dreams have come true. i saw her. after standing there in shock for roughly 45 seconds her song ended and she climbed off the cab and went back inside, presumably to do more rehearsing or something. my life has been made almost complete. now i just have to figure out a way to get her to marry me. ideas? thoughts? suggestions?
so that concluded the main excitement for sunday. monday rolls around. i decided to walk from pop's apt uptown all the way down to ground zero to pay my respects. i passed through madison square park, canal street, soho, noho and NYU's main campus. the people watching was world class and i highly suggest to anyone who visits to say screw the subway, screw the cabs and hoof it all over. i wandered for six hours and walked 8-9 miles. amazing. on the way downtown i was confronted with gates and policemen everywhere. wtf? im just trying to go for stroll and you are in the way sir. i inquire as to why they are blocking me. dont they know i am a big deal? no. they do not know that i am a big deal. in fact, the reason they are there is because the president of the united states is within that block delivering a speech. oh. barry O. i think. hes a big deal. he can block my way. that being dealt with i continued on my way
today i am staying in my dad's hotel because he is here on business. downstairs, as i live and breathe, serena williams is doing an appearance for nike, so im gonna go sneak around and see what i can see. if i get arrested, its been lovely blogging for you for the last seven months. if i dont, then expect more to come in this epic adventure story.
i love the city
the people
the sights
the smells
the attitudes
the food
the atmosphere
everything
my grandpa lives here, smack in the middle of park avenue, three blocks from central park. since on this particular adventure i am not visiting any schools, i have a couple of days to kill. the first day that i showed up here i was hungover and slightly disoriented after a few days of good times in philly and connecticut. i dropped my things off at pops and then rolled out to see the city. my first wanderings took me to fifth avenue to explore the lifestyles of the rich and famous. as soon as i come within view of the plaza hotel i noticed tons of video cameras and people. uuhh ok so whats this about? next thing i know doctor phil's balding self is talking to a tattooed and leather clad man with motorcycles. nice motorcycles. it must have been his midlife crisis special. dr. phil really has nothing interesting to offer me so i moved on with my life. strolling down the avenue i stared at the ridiculous looking people going into the high fashion boutiques, the plump tourists waiting for their chance to pose next to the models in front of abercrombie, the homeless guys shaking cups at passersby and just hoping for enough change to buy their next drink. people of all sorts rubbing shoulders on the streets and living on the same tiny island and calling it home. alas, i digress and wax nostalgic.
after this small stroll i went to lunch with a couple of my former sail caribbean students at serendipity. deeeelicious. then we went walking through the streets some more. we passed 30 rock, david letterman, and a huge street fair stretching for blocks down lexington avenue. as we kept wandering we realized that the VMAs were scheduled for that night at the radio city music hall. that explains all of the ridiculously formal people waiting in lines that said "check in." we wandered towards sixth ave and all of a sudden hear taylor swift blasting over through the streets. assuming its just a promo for the show that night, we kept walking. we were about to turn a corner when we saw people running back towards where we came from. there she is. my future wife and the love of my life- T.Swift singing and rockin out on top of a cab roughly 50 feet away from me. AAAAHAAAHHHHHHHHh all of my hopes and dreams have come true. i saw her. after standing there in shock for roughly 45 seconds her song ended and she climbed off the cab and went back inside, presumably to do more rehearsing or something. my life has been made almost complete. now i just have to figure out a way to get her to marry me. ideas? thoughts? suggestions?
so that concluded the main excitement for sunday. monday rolls around. i decided to walk from pop's apt uptown all the way down to ground zero to pay my respects. i passed through madison square park, canal street, soho, noho and NYU's main campus. the people watching was world class and i highly suggest to anyone who visits to say screw the subway, screw the cabs and hoof it all over. i wandered for six hours and walked 8-9 miles. amazing. on the way downtown i was confronted with gates and policemen everywhere. wtf? im just trying to go for stroll and you are in the way sir. i inquire as to why they are blocking me. dont they know i am a big deal? no. they do not know that i am a big deal. in fact, the reason they are there is because the president of the united states is within that block delivering a speech. oh. barry O. i think. hes a big deal. he can block my way. that being dealt with i continued on my way
today i am staying in my dad's hotel because he is here on business. downstairs, as i live and breathe, serena williams is doing an appearance for nike, so im gonna go sneak around and see what i can see. if i get arrested, its been lovely blogging for you for the last seven months. if i dont, then expect more to come in this epic adventure story.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)