so yeah. alot has happened in the last week. i went home. i saw the puppy. i played with the puppy. i skied for like a day and a half, got back to LA, wrote 2 short papers, had a midterm, got recruited to organize a gatorade pong tournament (again, hardcore), found out i have creeper readers who i dont even know and got a new trainer cuz the no-showing homeskillet from previous posts wasnt meeting productivity quotas. bummer. i kinda liked him. good week, right?
i will start with the puppy- her name is Marge after the main character in Fargo, that really twisted movie with the bloody woodchipper scene. my whole fam thinks her name is a hoot because the accents and such in the movie are so funny so we call her marge from minnesota, you betcha. other people fail to see the humor in the situation. if you are one of said people, go die. Marge is absolutely the coolest dog i have met except for my old dogs of course. me and my dog chancy were best friends when i was little. i would tip over the garbage can full of dog food and we would have a feast. i even would tell my mom that we were going to sleep in her dog house together, but alas, i was never allowed. but i digress. marge is really awesome but she needs to outgrow the biting stage. after 20 minutes with her i looked like i was into self mutilation, which im not, but hey, whatever floats your boat.
moving on. over the weekend i also got to see kate, who is going to germany in less than two weeks for study abroad. she doesnt speak german- minor detail because she will succeed on just pure bad assness. its a fact. just thought i would mention it because i am very impressed.
whenever i leave LA i realize how much i actually enjoy living in this shit hole. i mean i dont necessarily love my crappy over priced apartment in the g-hettooo. who wouldnt want to pay over 3 grand a month for a 2 bedroom 2 bath apartment with shitty appliances and ants. dont worry though, the ants are free. aside from that little tidbit i have fallen in like with LA. i even like the homeless people. i give nicknames to the ones i see on a regular basis. at the corner of beverly and la cienega one can find crazy herb/ erv. i go back and fourth. he has no teeth and walks through the cars waving and smiling at people. i'd imagine he smells like urine and old chinese food but i've never had the pleasure of catching a whiff. i just always think that he looks like he smells bad. does that make sense? another of my homeless buddies is melba (i named her after a sauce on the cheesecake at whitefish lake restaurant). she roams the ralphs parking lot near school. she is this little old black lady with a cart/ walker thing and she just comes toddling up to you and says "can you help me?" at first i was struck by my inner good Samaritan (rare occurrence) and said "of course, what do you need?" and she said "money." well shit. i thought she needed help putting groceries in her car or maybe putting a cart away. nope. she cut right to the chase and demanded some dolla dolla bills. HELL TO THE NAW! i proceeded to tell her nope im not helping, and get in my car to drive away. the whole time she stared at me and told me i was going to hell. whatever melba.
another of my favorite sights in LA are the LA grannies. they have been nipped and tucked more times than should be legally allowed and resemble the people from the move the dark crystal if you caught that fine piece of cinematographic art. after further research i have realized that the people in the dark crystal are actually puppets. the LA grandmas resemble puppets. eyes wide, faces unnaturally taught, lips enlarged and hair extensions that look like someone chopped off a horses tail. also take note that these sassy seniors have rock hard (im guessing) scary as all get out fake tits that clearly do not belong. its just frightening. does no one age gracefully in this town? im all for a little botox here, little lipo there and maybe a perk job once the girls start saggin in during the cougar years but once you are receiving social security benefits you should be cut off from elective surgery. lets make that a stipulation of the entitlements program. hear that Barry O? now get shit done.
mmk what else do i have to say to you cool kids who read my contribution to the literary world. oh. this kid is a diamond in the rough. a real winner. hes goin places. if you read his profile he has an agency. he will be miley cyrus in a male form. i just know it.
this week my belief that the majority of professors think that i have the intellect of a rock, or possibly a toad, which is better because at least it has a pulse. i said something moderately intelligent in my lit class and what do i get "...ok anyone else?" FML. oh well. they just clearly do not recognize how fucking awesome i truely am. their loss.
oh balls i almost forgot! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO SARAH MAE JENNINGS. if only i was across the country i would be karaokeing my heart out with the princess herself. i love karaoke. its awesome. and sarahs awesome. and i'm awesome. see how nicely this is coming together? welcome to your twenties sarah. and now a visual representation of our love
B-E-A-UTEEFULL
No comments:
Post a Comment