yooooooooo

this weekend was relatively uneventful except for saturday night, as you may know from my previous post. so instead of ranting about something or giving my valued insight on current events. instead we are going to travel back in time. back to the days of yesteryear- the greatest moments in MTV true life's history.


we are going to start with one of my earliest true life memories- True Life: I'm getting breast augmentation. to me, a wee 11 year old, seeing tittays on MTV was like a dream come true. and they didnt blur these out like they normally would. they just ran a disclaimer before the show saying they were gonna show some breasts and viewer discretion blah blah blah. whatever. it wasnt going to deter my pervy little prepubescent ass. they showcased 2 girls getting their tits inflated (YAY) and one girl getting hers reduced (BOOOOOO). in all fairness though the ones that got sliced did hang down to like the girls bellybutton and she was only like 22. bummer. so that was my first favorite true life episode because they showed boobs.

then of course there is True Life: I'm a staten island girl. these chicks are nuts. thick accents, killer tempers, unrealistic expectations, and all about guidos. in one word: skanks. heres a sample:


Meet Angelashes an educated and empowered woman living at home with her parents and desperate for a man. she has the attitude drea de matteo on the sopranos with the annoying accent/voice of fran drescher on the nanny-as she says about guys who are half brazillian and half italian- great combo!shes goes to the gym all the time. she likes to look at the guys all orangy from the tanning salon, with their bulging muscles from all the protien shakes and their hair all did because they are douches like that. sometimes she even goes out on dates:

it looks as though love is in the air for our dear angela... or not. just look at them, avoiding eye contact, hardly touching their drinks, completely absorbed in their food- definitely no hanky panky for this way cool guy. its probably because of his soul patch. rookie mistake.

in the end angela realizes that all guys she dates are typical staten island jerk offs (in this case it would be jerk awff actually). great job mtv. great job.

my last and most favorite episode of true life is True Life: I have Tourrettes. holy moly. i am definitely going to hell for loving this shit as much as i do. no questions asked, do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars straight shot to hell for the rest of eternity. i dont care. its worth it.




two of the featured young people in this episode i kinda feel bad for. they suffer and suffer and cant really do much about it. then there is alyssa. shes 16, sassy, and lives with her juicy sweatsuit loving grandma. i would feel bad for alyssa but shes so terrible to her poor in-denial-about-her-age grandma that i cant. i wish i could share an example with you but apparently they have all been deleted. F YOU MTV. F U.



alyssas issues are far and wide- she nearly takes an eye out trying to do her make up, which may have been better than the end result. she had more make up on than a drag queen in a pride parade. seriously. it was kinda scary. she also gets her grandma to do her hair- but it has to be done just so. well grandma apparently just didnt have her head on straight because alyssa's hair had BUMPS!!! AAAHH. she proceeded to stomp and scream and yell and i really wish i could find a clip. if i ever do i will repost. she calls her grandmother fucking careless, which if i did to gigi i would have had the taste slapped out of my mouth and i wouldnt have eaten for a week. mean mean alyssa- be nice!! its an all out debacle and i highly recommend visiting mtv.com to see the episode or at least the highlights. you will laugh for hours, but then kinda feel bad, but then laugh some more so its all ok.

some of my other faves include true life im moving to new york (the male model is a complete dolt its a hoot), im fat and happy (theres a sassy and curvaceous sista on there who carries ranch in her purse, my kinda woman), im the black sheep (fat girl who thinks she will be in playboy, cheerleader in a goth family- you just cant make some of the stuff up), and i'm in lockup or something like that (one guy is named stinky which just makes me chuckle, and his baby momma is a riot too)

well thats all i have to say about true life. i really wish i could find some quality clips to share with you but i am fresh out. if you feel so inclined then you could peruse about by yourself online to see what you can find. happy hunting.