If bein' fresh to death is a crime I think it's time for me to see the jury

so maybe its from a ciara song. what ever. it captures my essence.

this weekend was a semi success. friday night i got some hardcore action. maybe not typical action, but action nonetheless. it was kinda kinky... and violent. you ready? i dont know if you are... ok... here it is.... i sneezed on a girl. hoooolllllaaaaaa!!! i was slightly (read: pretty damn) inebriated and i was talking to some chicks, just spittin some game, you know how i do. i was kinda standing in a doorway, straddling the threshhold if you will, with a living room (and the bitches) on my left and a hallway on my right. we were talking, i have no idea what topics we were covering or if i was even contributing to the conversation. it may have been an incident in which i creepily and drunkenly stood there thinking that i was in the conversation but really i was just kinda breathing heavily and being slightly crosseyed. in the course of our nonversation (what up urban dictionary) i felt the need to sneeze. not a snotty sneeze just one to, ya know, clear out some dust or a rogue boog. so i turn my head away from the conversation so as to not cover my fellow party goers in my nasal emission. at this very moment the planets aligned and this girl jen/jennifer was leaving the bathroom at that very moment. she was just about to pass through the very threshhold that i was blocking. i saw her too late. i could not stop it. i sneezed all up on her. OOOHHH SHIT .no bueno. no bueno indeed. i proceeded to apologize, but i feel like my remorse was lost in the fact that i was laughing so hard i could barely talk because i was laughing so hard. oh well. oops.

i feel like that was anti climactic. sorry.

so flash forward a little bit. after getting my hands on a camera and taking some seXXXy pictures of myself i decided it was time to amble the half mile back to my house. really really drunk. safe? DEFINITELY. to pass the time i texted my whole way home. i think that the exercise helped metabolize the alcohol up in my system aka i got drunker. first text: "mexicans smell weird. im not being mean. its just a fact." (fun fact- according to matt kim white people smell like cheese and cinnamon, we had this conversation in high school.) by the time i reached the apartment and tried to blog "its tiiy hard too foicsc on thr sceen." i might have that wrong, im sure alyssa could confirm. suffice it to say i stumbled into the doors of my apartment, vaguely remember yelling "CHARLIES HOME!!!" which may have been more like "churrlees hurnfm" mumbled but my enthusiastic intentions where there. i managed to grab 2 vitamin waters and then stumble to bed.

saturday- i woke up at 8 to take 4 advil and as much fluid as i could. my head felt like i had been in the ring for 27 rounds with muhammad ali. i had three pink panty droppers. i think. and some beer... and whiskey... and vodka. oh well. whatever. around 12 i called my mom to tell her how miserable i was. "oh char well we're on the way to cancun so have a nice week." what a bitch. short story long- i stayed in bed until 2 feeling sorry for myself. love me some hangover pity parties.

sunday- i was productive. today i was at work and then PR class. we talked about ethics and laws relating to public relations. fuck that. i contributed a little bit but there were a couple self riteous twats who needed a swift kick in the ass. i didnt give it to them though. the plus for the night- no nefrititi. saaaweeet.

now im watching pulp fiction. im not really sure whats going on. im really confused. fuck. oh well. alyssa wants a shout out:
yup. it happened