check my mypace and i gotta lot of friend requests.. YES!

last night i went to my very last sorority invite at USC. you see yesterday my leave of absence was approved. it was much easier than i originally thought. i told my adviser that i wanted to take some time off and he tried to be my buddy, giving me life advice and told me about his experiences. my thoughts- listen you balding buttface i just want you to sign the paper, i dont need the reach around with it. ten minutes of me nodding and making little to no effort to act like i care about his advice i was out of that office and taking my first steps towards... well who knows where. before i could get too far though it was time for another pi beta phi invite.

this invite is so wittily dubbed my tie, you see it rhymes with pi phi. last year i went to it as well, but last year the girls listed three potential dates and then the guys would get a call and then they would buy 2 matching ties, give one to their mystery date and keep one and then the couple is gloriously reunited at the venue and identifies each other through their ties. this year there was no surprise. the girl just asked a dude and then buys him a tie. mine said "i love jesus." what remained the same however was that the girls were supposed to leave before the guys and meet each other there. the guys werent supposed to leave until 10. fbomb. so what do we do. jack and coke pong at the ZBT house. we originally started at my apartment but the DG invite, also last night, was having a massive pregame on our patio. fuck that shit. we didnt need tons of dudes coming into our apartment and disturbing our three person party. yes there were three of us. thats it. so after playing a superbad drinking game, beer pong and just standing in a circle being all exclusive and shit we moved on to ZBT. throughout this time i also had a love conversation with hollis and sarah via text about how awesome we are (it took a while because we are really fucking awesome).

i made it to the buses at ten only to find out that the girls are not meeting us a the venue, but at the buses. i arrived at the buses and realized i was not nearly drunk enough for my own good. good news? i was on the first row of the first bus and as soon as we got to the venue me and my lovely date farris were the first to get served. i tried to order four shots of vodka and two vodka sodas but the bartender wouldn't let me. what a twat. so two shots and a long island it is. after that the booze kept flowing and i kept getting drunk and drunkerer. then i start texting. actually i was texting throughout the night. ranging from "we should make iut" to me pouting to my boss because someone said "the only reassin i wa successdul at [work] is becaise i am attracitge and straight but not a hard worker. im perturbed." why the fuck would i choose to say i was perturbed. and why the fuck am i texting it and pouting when i know full well i use my face, which i have dubbed the moneymaker (stole it from a movie), to get people on my side. i dont always like to do that because it makes me feel shallow and manipulative but hey, work with what ya got.

moving on. a couple hours later i am wandering around my apartment in a tshirt and boxer briefs trying to find the water cup that i just filled up, mumbling to myself all the while and laughing at my own witty insights. i find myself highly humorous when i am drunk. ok and when im sober but whatever. judge me. i had the forethought to place 2 bananas next to my bed. and i remember thinking that i should drink like six cups of water, but i was really full so that much water wouldnt fit in my stomach. i probably also came up with some new theories on quantum mechanics when i was drunk, just because i am so smart when im under the influence.

after makin it into bed, room spinning, i went to sleep. what do i dream about? me and my mother were staying at the house of the owner of the PR firm that intern for. i have never been to her house. i have no idea where it is even. also, it had a baller pool and kindof resembled a mexican resort (but no open bar, bummer). at this humble abode of my dreams i was doing environmental volunteer work, like planting trees and stuff like that. the kicker? the only digging or anything that i can recall was covering a bed in dirt and then putting some sheets and stuff on it for someone to sleep on. i do whatever i can to improve the earths sustainability, from recycling and being energy conscious to putting some good ole fashioned terra firma on a bed. good. good.

and now i am sitting on my couch, blogging about my experiences, listening to our dbag stoner neighbors freestyle and jam outside while smoking fat doobies in their swim suits. damn cretins. just kidding. its making me laugh. i should probably go and clean up my trash from mcdonalds this morning. i got an egg mcmuffin with hash browns and a large coffe and a bacon egg and cheese biscuit on the side. for a second i thought i wasnt going to make it in time for breakfast because this woman in front of me stood too far behind the person in front of her and people kept cutting and she would just be like "oh i think i just got aced out of line..." and not do anything. just stand there. grow a spine you see-you-next-tuesday. she finally told one girl to go the back and the girl was such a bitch. a cunt. i m not even going to use the euphemism on her because she was that cunting cunty. i would have said something but her bf probably could have beat me up. im a a little school girl bitch when it comes to fighting. my sister could probably kick my ass. oh well. i've come to terms with that, so should you.